{"id":64101,"date":"2017-09-14T00:09:34","date_gmt":"2017-09-14T07:09:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/?p=64101"},"modified":"2017-09-14T00:09:34","modified_gmt":"2017-09-14T07:09:34","slug":"young-cultivator-merit-badge-farmyard-to-kitchen-expert-level","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/64101","title":{"rendered":"Young Cultivator Merit Badge: Farmyard to Kitchen, Expert Level"},"content":{"rendered":"

\t\t\t\tThe adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our<\/span> Sisterhood Merit Badge program<\/span><\/span><\/a>, now with\u00a07,428 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far\u201410,782 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Wondering who I am? I\u2019m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my<\/span> former life<\/span><\/span><\/a> \u2026\u00a0<\/b>\u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

For this week\u2019s Farmyard to Kitchen Young Cultivator Expert Level Merit Badge<\/u><\/a>, Andy, Nora, Piper, and Yours Truly were ready for action. We had earned our Beginner and Intermediate Level badges (and no one was harmed in the making of those badges, fowl or bovine or small children or Aunty), and we were ready to progress.<\/p>\n

First things were first: raising baby chicks or learning to milk a cow?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Since Buttercup the Cow Princess was looking rather askance at us (talk about mooooooo-dy), we decided on chicks. Or, Baby Balls of Fluffy Cuteness, as Piper described them with stars in her eyes.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, they\u2019re adorable right now, but let\u2019s remember: when they are no longer shiny and new, you don\u2019t get to drop them off at Aunty\u2019s house, okiedokie?\u201d I reminded them. I had heard tell of a childhood phenomenon: adopting delightful pet babies and then losing interest in them posthaste, leaving the chores to be done by their mothers.<\/p>\n

Just another reason why I was never a kid. Fresh out of the box as a grown woman, that\u2019s me.<\/p>\n

But I digress.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019d never stop loving our Cotton Balls of Puffy Fluffy Loviekins!\u201d Piper was insulted.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m naming mine Ryan Gosling,\u201d said Nora, who was really into movie stars lately. \u201cGet it? Gosling? Ha!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGoslings are baby ducks, dummy,\u201d said Andy.<\/p>\n

\u201cNuh uh, they\u2019re baby geese, dork-head,\u201d she fired back.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo arguments!\u201d I broke in. \u201cArguing in front of hens makes bad layers. It\u2019s science.\u201d<\/p>\n

We got our little chickies home that evening and set up their cozy new house: a large Rubbermaid container with straw and a heat lamp, food, and water. And Piper\u2019s additions: half a Barbie\u2019s Dream House, a few stuffed animals, some baby blankets, and a medley of soft rock playing in the background.<\/p>\n

After I armed them with an stack of library books on how to raise happy chickens, a list of Things Not To Do (in my days as Aunty, I\u2019ve learned those are much more applicable to their mischievous little minds than lists of Things To Do), and my number written on the fridge in case of Chicken Emergencies, I went home for a little nap.<\/p>\n

The next day, after checking in on Ryan Gosling, Mrs. David Bock-Bock-Beckham, and Lady Clucks-A-Lot, we finished up our badge earning with a little butter making.<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t really like butter,\u201d Andy said.<\/p>\n

I had a small stroke and had to be revived by the local paramedics. Afterwards, while recovering with a nice bread and butter sammie and a cup of tea, I decided to get to the bottom of Andy\u2019s sacrilegious comment.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you mean you don\u2019t like butter?\u201d I croaked, still weak. I dunked my sammie in my tea for extra nourishment.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I don\u2019t know, Aunty,\u201d he said. \u201cI just don\u2019t think it tastes all that great. Kinda oily and greasy, if you ask me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI did not ask you, whippersnapper!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, you did.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes. Right. Fetch me this so-called butter, youngster. Chop, chop.\u201d<\/p>\n

He complied, rolling his eyes all the way (I nearly threw my sammie at the back of his head, but I\u2019d finished it). He returned with \u2026<\/p>\n

GASP.<\/p>\n

I can hardly say it. Here you try and try with these kids, you nurture, you give and give, blood, sweat, tears \u2026 wasted.<\/p>\n

It was a crock.<\/p>\n

A plastic crock.<\/p>\n

A plastic crock of butter impostors.<\/p>\n

Fake butter product.<\/p>\n

Processed, pasturized, yellow-food-coloring laden, oil.<\/p>\n

The rest of the Expert Level earning will have to wait. Tell the paramedics to get back here.<\/p>\n

Fading. Fading.<\/p>\n

Going towards the light.<\/p>\n

Goodbye, cruel world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\t\t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with\u00a07,428 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far\u201410,782 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane\u00a0 Wondering who … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a> Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-64101","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gladsome_sisters"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64101","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=64101"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/64101\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=64101"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=64101"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.raisingjane.org\/journal\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=64101"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}