The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,892 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,416 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ
Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …
For this week’s Each Other/Know Your Roots Expert Level Merit Badge, I continued where my Intermediate Level left off.
Right at the intersection of Mysterious and Secrets. At the corner of Suspicious and Questions. At the … well, you get my drift.
I was adrift at sea in an ocean of unanswered questions. Call me overly poetic and dramatic, but something was definitely up with my Grandma Barbie. First, she got all weird on me when I mentioned someone named Blaine, and then she hung up on me! Grandmas aren’t allowed to hang up on their granddaughters.
And now, of all the nerve, she is so totally avoiding my phone calls. Ever one step ahead from my ornery grandmother, I borrowed Midge’s phone and dialed the retirement home in Florida one more time.
Not recognizing the number, Grandma Barbie answered cheerfully. “Why, hello, Midge, darling! I’m so glad you called. Could you do me a favor and tell Jane I went away on a cruise or something?”
Me: “Gramma! You are in so much trouble!”
I hear the sound of the phone dropping. Then, “Oh dear. Dear, dear. Well, I always knew this day would come. Hang on, sweetie, I need to refresh my sweet tea if we’re going to go over family history.” I hear her gulp thirstily.
I drum my nails loudly into the speaker as a subtle hint. “You hung up on me, Gramma.”
G.B.: “Yes, I know, dear. I was just so surprised to hear you mention his name after all these years.”
Me: “Who? Blaine? This mysterious fellow from the Outback of Broken Hearts? This Australian Casanova? This …”
G.B.: “You’re being overly dramatic. Now stop getting your knickers in a twist, and I’ll tell you all about it.”
I wrinkle my nose. “Just the facts, ma’am.” The thought of my elderly grandmother getting cozy with anyone gives me a bad case of the no-thank-yous. “Who’s Blaine?”
G.B.: “Well, it was the summer your grandfather and I broke up. It was the late ’60s, you understand, and a time of free love and …”
Me: “BLECH! Get to the point, Grammy!”
G.B.: “Don’t sass me, young lady. Where was I?”
Me: “Making my stomach knot with unnecessary mind pictures.”
G.B.: “Right. Well, anyway, Ken disappeared that year and Blaine was introduced. He was my friend, Summer’s, brother. Remember Summer?”
Me: “Blue hair? Bad driver?”
G.B.: “Well, not back then, but yes. Blaine and I went together for a while. It was a wild time. He was very sweet.”
Me: “Well? And what happened then?”
G.B.: “Well, nothing really. We broke up because Ken came back. Midge started dating Alan. Skipper and Stacie took up a lot of my time. The rest is history.”
Me: “That’s it? Why’d you hang up on me? I thought you were going to reveal some big family secret!”
Grandma laughs. “Oh, Janie, you always were such a worry wart. Now stop poking your nose into my love life, and get crackin’ on yours. Okay, darling?”
I frown. Trust Gramma to spin the situation around. “Okay. But …”
G.B.: “Oh dear, sounds like there’s a bad connection again! Ffklj! Kklmnw?”
Me: “Gramma, you’re just putting your hand over the mouthpiece and making funny noises again, aren’t you?”
G.B.: “Lmeoico? Ajfft!”
Some critics have called my Grandmother a dumb blonde, but I’m telling you … she’s tricked them all. That woman is deep.