The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,129 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—8,751 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ
Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …
For this week’s Make It Easy/Light the Way Expert Level Merit Badge, I rolled up my flannel sleeves, channeled my inner lumberjack, sharpened my ax (Yes, I have an ax! Farmgirl here, dontcha know?) and got to chopping. Yes, I know, mid-winter isn’t exactly the time of year to be thinking of this chore, but to be honest, I underestimated how much lumber I would need and, truthfully, I can only store so much at one time, right? I mean, I need room on my back porch for craft projects, too. Like my Automatic Needle Threading Machine 3000 (it takes a lot of space).
But now, I’m about to break my own Wood Chopping and Stacking record, all in the name of Merit Badges! And a little in the name of Warm Toes, if we’re honest. Just like Honest Abe.
First—since I’m not a young whippersnapper anymore—I stretched. Yes siree, I recommend a good loosening up of the ol’ pectorals, biceps, triceps, and uh … elbowceps? Is there a badge for learning anatomy?
After my short but sweet warm-up session, I did a quick jog around the house a few times to keep my adrenaline pumping and my metabolism working. And by “a quick jog around the house a few times,” I naturally mean, a quick tour of the fridge and the contents therein. Nourishment found and hunger abated, I resolved to get started for real this time.
After a quick cuppa tea.
A girl needs her strength, okay?
Okay, seriously now, I’m down to two pieces of kindling and a demolished chair someone left out by their curb. I really need some firewood, stat.
Stop distracting me, already!
I settled into my chopping with reckless abandon. (That’s just a literary term. Don’t chop wood with reckless abandon, peeps—that would be … well, reckless).
After laying down a good foundation, I started getting fancy with my stacking skillz. That’s right, folks, you’re looking at a Lincoln Log Queen, so don’t think I’m just going to stack the regular way. Leave that to the amateurs! I won’t settle for anything less than a high-quality, awe-inspiring, Taj Mahal of pine. The Eiffel Tower of ponderosa. The Buckingham Palace of fir.
Buckingham Palace? Now I need a tea break.
*several hours later*
It’s starting to shape up. My pectoids and my trapezius cuffs (??) are burning, but my masterpiece is looking aMAYzing. A little crooked, but that’s alright. Esthetics aren’t everything in this art form. There’s also form, shape, size, weight, imagination, and creativity. And the little dance you do when you get too much bark in your socks. Or when a rogue squirrel flies outta nowhere.
I wasn’t going to stop, by golly, until a neighbor wandered over to say the magical words. You fellow choppers know the ones I’m talking about:
Nice stack you got there, Jane.
Any time now. They’re coming. I can feel it.