Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Cheese Making Expert Level Merit Badge, I got to spend some serious quality time with one of my first loves: cheese.

Mmm, ooey gooey, smooth as silk, slices of heaven. I never met a cheese I didn’t like. Well, I’m not super-fond of American, but I’m not entirely sure that is a cheese. Thoughts?

I had already made a few different types of delicious cheeses earning my Beginning and Intermediate level badges, so I was feeling pretty confident about my skills. While looking up the guidelines, I was intrigued by the suggestion:

If you’re adventurous, try smoking your cheese.

I can’t tell you how confused I was for a moment, thinking of some sort of whey-based tobacco or something, but then I realized what they meant. Like a smoked gouda? Smoked cheddar?

Why, yes.

I was halfway there already, since I have a little camping secret I’d like to share with you girls. Are you ready for this?

When you’ve had all the s’mores you can swallow at the campfire, try one of these babies:

A wedge of Brie, roasted on your skewer, then topped with dark chocolate. Or skip the chocolate (Now, there are four words I thought would never come out of this gal’s mouth!) and smooth it on a hunk of French bread.

Bliss on a stick.

But anyway, I assume the merit badge gurus aren’t talking about smoking your cheese quite like that, so back to the drawing board (and cookbooks) for me. I decided to try a smoked mozzarella, because let’s face it, no matter the question, mozzarella is always a good answer. Really! Try it.

Have a bad day? Have some mozzarella.

Need to jazz up some leftovers? Top with mozzarella.

Feel your blood sugar dropping to dangerously cranky levels? Snack on mozzarella.

Etcetera, etcetera, and so on and so forth.

Anyway, I made up a batch of cheese:

A gallon of milk, 1 1/2 t citric acid dissolved in 1/2 cup water, 1/4 of a rennet tablet, crushed and dissolved in 1/4 cup water.  I poured the milk in my pot, added the dissolved citric acid, stirred, and heated it to 90°F.  Then I gently stirred in the dissolved rennet and brought the temp up a little more (to 100°F). Then I shut the heat off and let the pot sit for another 5 minutes or so while the curds and whey continued to separate. Then I fondly recited “Little Miss Muffet” a few times, which isn’t required for cheese making, but is recommended. Then I drain off some of the whey and begin my kneading. It turns from a weird-looking, shaggy mess to a lovely ball of smooth cheese. It’s like magic! Magic, I tell you!

After my cheese was ready, I got Mr. Wonderful to heat up the ol’ smoker …

Cheese Making Merit Badge, Expert Level, Part II coming soon!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Make It Pretty Expert Level Merit Badge, I was taking my artistic urges to a whole new place. A whole new level. The Expert Level.

Gulp.

I wasn’t feeling exactly … expert like. Half of my oil painting tendencies were still stick figures and the like. I didn’t think my best work was paintings of people, so I decided to stick to inanimate objects—like trees or mountains or something. Something that didn’t wiggle so much. (Mr. Wonderful posed for me and so did Midge’s triplets, but I gotta say, they all need to work on their Relaxation Merit Badges … talk about squirmy!)

I got out my collection of oil paints and my largest canvas. I had been saving this canvas for over a year, until the Creative Juices struck.

Until I could no longer put off My Muse.

Until the portraits in my mind shouted to be drawn!

Also for the day I ran out of copy paper.

That would be today.

The view from my back porch is ever so lovely at sunset, so that was my aim. I nervously paced through my house most of the day. I checked the time at least 14 times per hour (sunset was set to arrive at 5:05 this evening, according to my friendly television meteorologist). Then I become conscious of the fact that I could start everything but the sunset/sky ahead of time, so I got cracking.

I was so anxious to mar my blank, white canvas that my hand shook on the brush as I dipped it carefully into Cerulean Blue. I momentarily panicked as I second-guessed my knowledge on the meaning of the word Cerulean.

Was it sky-like enough?

Firmly, I gave myself a good talking to.

“Self,” said I, “art is subjective. A matter of opinion. There is no right or wrong. Only art.”

I was feeling much better. Rather sage-like. An art guru. The yogi of oils. The maharishi of paints. The counselor of creative expression.

The Yoda of Merit Badges!

Train you, I will.

Anyway, my confidence bolstered and the sun about to set, I feverishly painted away. (Note: I didn’t really have a fever, it’s just how we artists like to talk.)

I was so obsessed over a particular arch in my garden—getting the greens of the ivy just right—that I completely missed my sunset.

Grr!

Not one to let anything detour me in my quest for all things merit badge-y, I changed direction and cast a twilight appearance on my painting. Who needs sunsets anyway? Totally overrated. A few twinkling stars in the night sky, both in real life and still life, and I was nearly finished.

My fingers were covered in paint and so were my jeans, but I was feeling pretty good. All I had left was to learn the fine art of framing my masterpiece and then getting up the gumption to enter my creation in the local upcoming art show downtown.

Eek. What if no one liked it? What if they thought it was painted by a monkey?

Or a baby?

Or a someone who just drank a four-shot espresso and happens to be blind in one eye?

Or a baby monkey who just drank a four-shot espresso and happens to be blind in one eye?

I’m not sure I’m ready for this badge … talk me into it.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Safe Toys Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I was fondly getting lost in my memories of my most favorite doll, back in the day. (Besides myself, of course. My next favorite doll then). She was a lovely thing, a soft rag doll with a Sunbonnet Sue bonnet and a calico print dress. Her legs were made of muslin and had MaryJanes painted right on them.

MaryJanes!

I know.

But the best thing about this dolly was the bows on the sides of her bonnet, because if you pulled on one, her eyes would go from closed to open. Then you pulled on the other, and vice versa. It was so clever. I get wistful and nostalgic just thinking about her.

Anyway, in order to earn my Intermediate Level badge for the Safe Toys category, I needed to make a doll. Since I had mine in my mind’s eye already, I got to work. I wasn’t quite sure I was adept enough at making those amazing eyes with the pull-tab bows (that sounds like more of an Advanced Level badge, dontcha think?) I decided to skip that part. But everything else was going to be the doll of my dreams, I was sure of it.

Going with the nostalgic flow, I put on some music from my childhood and treated myself to my favorite girlhood snack: Rice Crispy Treats. (Remind me to attempt to make them a bit more farmgirl and organic friendly sometime, okay? They are currently sitting like a brick in my tummy. Alas.)

I decided to forgo a pattern, being the out of control, rebellious, rogue sewer and crafter that I am. I merely drew the shape of a doll onto some nice, soft, cotton fabric, making sure to leave allowances for hemming and/or mistakes. So she looked a little chubby at first, but I’m sure she’ll slim down as I go along.

Chubby dolls are people, too. They have feelings.

Well … you get my drift.

I used fabric paint for the face, except for the eyelashes, which I embroidered on. I wasn’t sure whether to go with yarn for hair or buy one of those doll wigs I’ve been somewhat creeped out by at the craft store. I went with yarn, a nice strawberry blonde with some caramel highlights. I even styled it in a chic chignon, which was probably silly, since I was planning on covering it with a bonnet, but still.

I made a simple dress out of some adorable gingham, and then—get this!—I put my Superior and Stellar Apron-Making Skillz to work, and topped her outfit off with a completely cute little stripy number. This was one well-dressed doll. I was getting jealous.

After that, I totally needed a snack break, and also a band-aid because my darn needle had it in for me. All I had left was the bonnet. How hard could that be, after all?

It was pretty hard. All those gathers, and measuring, and pinning, and seam ripping … I don’t recommend bonnet making for out of control, rebellious, rogue sewers.

Needless to say, my—I mean, her—chignon totally saved the day after all. (Wouldn’t be the first time, right, ladies?)

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/Weather Beginner Level Merit Badge, I stepped outside. I mean that literally. And not just that, but I decided to stay there for a minute. This is big for me because I’m not one to explore the great outdoors unless the weather is like, 74 degrees.

I know, I know. I’m spoiled rotten.

I do pay attention to the weather though. Take my Weather Rock, for instance. It’s SO much more reliable than watching the news forecast each morning. I simply pull aside my curtain and take a peek at my Weather Rock:

If it’s wet, it’s raining.

If it’s dry, it’s not.

If it’s warm, it’s sunny.

If it’s white, it’s snowing.

If it’s gone, it’s windy.

Pretty much fool-proof.

Anyway though, I have to confess anything I learned about weather I learned in kindergarten. And since I was mostly eating paste, spilling glitter, and making batty eyelashes at Ken, the info didn’t stick with me. I guess you could say, if it isn’t in the Itsy-Bitsy Spider song, I don’t know Jack.

Am I mixing metaphors? Sorry.

So I got myself over to the local public library, and I am not ashamed to say I went to the kid’s section. Hey, I like illustrations, okay? Don’t judge. After some help from my friendly librarian (who may or may not have been under the assumption that I had children), I came home with a great stack of books on such fascinating subjects as:

Atmospheric pressure (Earth’s atmosphere pressing against us as we speak. It’s in my bubble!)

Barometers (How to measure said pressure.)

High and low pressure systems (High is cooler weather, low is wet and stormy.)

Air masses (The volume of air.)

Weather formations (Self-explanatory, even for moi.)

I made myself a snack, checked on my Weather Rock (dry), and dug in. I learned all sorts of stuff I didn’t know before (merit badges have a way of doing that), and lo and behold, it actually made sense. I won’t ruin it for you to earn yourself, but this weather stuff is actually pretty interesting. I even began to daydream about being a meteorologist. This career choice had actually occurred to me before, back when I was rocking the pinstripe suits and heels and high, high hair. The higher the hair, the closer to the atmospheric pressure, you know!

Ha!

Just a little weather-girl humor there.

I wondered if, perhaps, there was a more scientific approach to weather forecasting besides my rock. Like, uh, science.

I don’t know that I’m ready for full-on predictions yet, but at least I can experience the weather outside with a degree of knowledge and education. And, last but not least, I’m also learning to be happy whatever the weather and spend a little time each day outdoors. I guess you could say I’m my own Weather Rock now.

(At at the moment, if you must know, I’m a little damp).

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Expert Level Merit Badge, I was inspired by my local gingerbread house auction and contest.

Okay. So it was a little bit of a stretch … from cake to gingerbread house … but I knew my fellow farmgirls were behind me. Yeah, I wasn’t making a butter cake from scratch, but all the decorating I was going to do was going to make up for it.

And how.

The great thing about gingerbread houses is how long they stay fresh, and how early you can start the decorating process. Example: I started my house two weeks before the contest and auction. I mean, it’s not like anyone is going to eat it anyway, right? It’s for gazing at in awe and admiration, not for snacking. We aren’t Hansel and Gretel, people.

Of course, should anyone want to snack upon my house, they’d be met with delicious flavors, I assure you. Licorice whips, candy buttons, peppermints, gummy bears, powdered sugar, mini marshmallows, gumdrops, sugar cubes, lollipops, red hots, jelly beans … well, this list is somewhat endless. Being a farmgirl, I really tried to limit my junk food and went with plenty of locally made candy, dye-free alternatives, and healthy options, like pretzels and shredded wheat.

I realized about three days in that gingerbread-house decorating is a lot like having a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. They become rather addicting. As in, I’ll just finish this one stained glass window and then I’ll use the bathroom, or One more tree and then I’ll eat breakfast. If you don’t have boundaries, girls, you’re gonna end up with a slight bladder infection and expired, uneaten breakfast foods. Helpful hint from me to you: Know when to walk away from the golden glow of the frosting-tinted roofs and caramel-studded window panes.

I was going to bed with not only visions of sugar plums dancing in my head, but also visions of jellied fruit slices, Skittles, shredded coconut, and cotton candy. Willie Wonka had taken over my dreams. I was getting toothaches and I hadn’t even been pinching the inventory!

I needed a break. Mr. Wonderful obligingly took away my gingerbread house for the night so I wouldn’t be tempted to ice some more, or frost something. I printed out a list of emergency numbers for him in case something happened to my sweet baby, and I tried to go to bed early. I got up the next morning and treated myself to a nice breakfast and didn’t even call to check in (though I wanted to).

Seeing my beautiful house after a little bit of an absence was just what I had needed. With renewed vigor, I placed the very last silver non-pareil atop the gingerbread roof, and together, Mr. Wonderful and I loaded it up into the car.

He drove like a geriatric snail by my request, and we made it to the auction and contest just in time.

Did I win? Did anyone buy my sweet baby?

Well, Second Runner Up isn’t too bad, and let’s just say Mr. Wonderful came with spending money.

Munch munch.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,602 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,898 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Organic on a Budget Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I gave myself a little pat on the back.

Why, you may ask?

I’m so glad you did.

Because I am officially chemical free when it comes to my fruits and veggies, that’s why. And do you know what? It feels good.

Like I knew that it would now.

So good … so good … I got –

Well, that’s where my fondness for segueing from vegetables into song lyrics goes awry. No matter, the point is: I have been successful at eliminating those pesky non-food ingredients from my “rabbit food,” as Mr. Wonderful likes to call plants. (He’s still working on Level One, let’s say).

At first, I admit to being skeptical. I mean, I’ve never been a veggie girl, let’s face facts here. My poor mom had to drown them in Ranch just to get me to swallow them without making a face (vegetables, that is, not facts. Though facts are better with condiments, too). Basically, as a kiddo, I liked my veg in this order:

French Fries

Potato chips

Dill pickles.

I know, I know. It’s a wee list.

But it’s gotten longer these days, and it’s amazing how broadening my horizons, culinary-ish speaking, has lightened my moods (and waistband). I discovered all sorts of foods I never knew I liked, and realized how much yummier it all tastes when there isn’t an aftertaste of pesticides and fungicides. Scary ‘cides aside …

I don’t even need Ranch anymore, which my mother would say is a small miracle. A little sauté in butter and my peas are delish. A squeeze of lemon on a spinach salad and I’m in heaven. A quick stir-fry of bell peppers and onions enliven my sandwiches, and a splash of apple cider vinegar wakes up my sleepy Swiss Chard. And when it comes to my organic fruit? Mm. I never thought a fruit salad could take the place of dessert for this sugar-aholic, but guess again.

Another perk to earning this badge is all the friends and farmers I’ve met that I otherwise would never have found. It’s much more fun, healthy, cheap, and delicious to buy my organic produce from my local neighbors than it is from the big supermarket. Also, there are more samples from the farmers, which is a definite plus when you’re a try before you buy kind of gal.

All in all, I’d say this badge was a pleasure to earn. I’d tell you more but I’m too busy stuffing my tummy with organic jicama.

Only lightly dipped in Ranch.

(But it’s organic, Mom).

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,558 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,822 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Unprocessed Kitchen Merit Badge, I was upping the ante and earning Level III. That’s right. The sequel to end all sequels. The coup de grace. The ending of a delicious trilogy.

The advanced EXPERT Level.

Gosh, I gave myself chills. I haven’t been so excited since the shoe sale at the outlet mall.

And if I thought Levels One and Two were fun, I was in for a real treat with the final installment. A dinner party. Who gets a badge for a dinner party? Farmgirls, that’s who. You could say it rocks to be us.

But not just any dinner party, of course: an Unprocessed Dinner Party. And when I say, dinner, I of course mean, dessert.

Evidently, my friends have sweet teeth beyond compare. The point of this party (besides having a blast, naturally) was to introduce them to unprocessed foods, find out their weaknesses, and then help them brainstorm ways to make those unhealthy treats into wholesome foods.

Real foods.

No food-like ingredients here.

No unpronounceable ingredients. (Although I have a heck of a time pronouncing acai and/or quinoa).

No 37 lists of chemicals in one, single, solitary slice of bread, no siree.

No pesticides, herbicides, antibiotics, preservatives, food colors, additives, or otherwise frightening additions.

Just, plain, amazing, mouth-watering food. The kind that makes you weak in the knees and breathless. The kind that fills your house with a salivating inducing aroma. The kind that …

Whew! Is it getting hot in here or is it just my dark chocolate lava cake heating up the kitchen? Let me just use my cocktail napkin to fan my face for a sec here. That’s better. Onto the list my pals and I came up with!

• S’mores (Can you imagine this delight with organic, fair-trade chocolate, a homemade cinnamon marshmallow, and perhaps a gingersnap cookie in place of the graham? Or a spicy version with chili-laced chocolate, a vanilla marshmallow, and a chocolate graham? Or maybe a peppermint marshmallow with a white chocolate square and a homemade Snickerdoodle cookie? The possibilities, folks, are endless.)
• Homemade coffee-house drinks and creamers! I thought this one deserved an exclamation point, because who doesn’t love to sip on a frothy, creamy mug of goodness? But a lot of that goodness is filled with unnecessary calories, corn syrup, and fake foods, not to mention a painful blow to your wallet. Better to make your own, and so we did. We slurped (uh, I mean sipped) on homemade Hot Cocoa, Butterscotch Coffees, Hazelnuts Mochas, and Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
• Popsicles! This is another one where the possibilities for flavors are practically endless. We came up with all sorts of varieties, but our favorites included: watermelon basil, green tea with honey, coconut and lime, peach and strawberry sangria, honeydew cucumber, and Greek yogurt. Mmmm.
• The above-mentioned Dark Chocolate Lava Cake with homemade ice cream.
• Homemade Twinkies. Yep.
• And finally, enough cookie and cake ideas for us to open our own bakery.

Have a hankering to make your unhealthy vice more organic and homemade friendly? Do tell. Share!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,558 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,822 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/Horse Dreams Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I delved into and researched one of my favorite animals: horses.

I must admit, my knowledge of horses didn’t run deep up to this particular point. Oh, I could categorize them, all right:

Pinkie Pie

Rainbow Dash

Applejack

Fluttershy

Twilight Twinkle

Rosedust

Sea Shimmer

etc.

But  … turns out there are more to horses than the oh-so-majestic My Little Pony. Hey, gotta cut this farmgirl newbie some slack: I spent half my life in a toy store, you know.

Anyway, I lugged home a stack of library books the size of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, each and every one regaling the merits of equestrians and their noble steeds. To earn my Intermediate Level Badge, I only had to pick one.

Just one.

But that’s like picking your favorite child! (Which I totally was, right, Mom?)

I had to narrow down my choices, but how? While I was pondering over the intimidating list of my new four-legged friends, I dribbled a small bit of yellow mustard from my pita sandwich on the image of a golden Palomino, effectively highlighting it, you could say. I took it as a sign.

The Palomino would be the source of all my horse knowledge from here on out. I polished off my pita, took a napkin to the mustard-hued page, and began to learn about everyone’s favorite blonde, the grand and splendid and delightfully pretty Palomino.

Incidentally, Applejack, I do believe, was a Palomino. She was a good friend; remind me to ring her up soon. She’ll be impressed with all my Palomino facts.

Like:

No one knows for sure how old the Palomino color is, or where it originated from, but it’s mostly believed Queen Isabella of Spain is responsible for bringing them to America since they were her personal favorites. Thanks, Izzy!

Pegasus, the winged horse from Greek mythology, was a Palomino.

So was Mr. Ed (of course, of course).

So was Mr. Rogers’ horse, Trigger (and Trigger, Jr.).

In order to be registered on the Palomino Horse Breeders of America list, your Palomino must be as close as possible to the “color of a newly minted U.S. coin” and have a white or silver mane and tail. No brunettes or strawberry blondes, I’m afraid.

A Palomino is not a breed, it’s a color. Palominos can be many different breeds, actually: American Quarter Horses, Arabians, Morgans, Missouri Fox Trotters, Thoroughbreds, Tennessee Walking Horses, Morabs, Quarabs, Paint Horses, and even some solid-colored Appaloosas (that one surprised me, I confess). Applejack was a Hasbro. Haha! Get it?

Sorry. Back to research.

I fell in love with the adorable and spunky Palomino.

This badge did nothing for the little girl inside me who really, really, REALLY wants a pony.

I can see me now … hair blowing in the breeze as I ride through the meadow on the back of my Palomino … I shall name her Buttercup.

We’ll find one another someday. You can’t stop destiny. In the meantime, I’ll see if I can find Applejack’s phone number.