The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,487 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,234 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Make it Easy/Relaxation Expert Level Merit Badge, I took my newfound sense of relaxation and clear-headedness to my local yoga studio. That’s right: I became a yogi.

photo, Robert Bejil via Wikimedia Commons

Well, kinda.

Turns out, some people really dedicate their whole lives to this pursuit of relaxation, so perhaps I didn’t become quite an expert while earning my Expert Level Merit Badge, but I gave it my all. Besides, my vast collection of yoga pants were under the mistaken assumption that they were created to lounge around on my couch, eat snacks, and participate in Netflix marathons. I had to have a little heart-to-heart with my pants.

What? You don’t have heart-to-hearts with your pants? Huh.

Back to what I was saying. I gave it my all. All my sweat. All my muscle mass. All my flexibility (or lack thereof). All my blood, sweat, and tears.

I.

Am.

Not.

Exaggerating.

Okay, I’m being a little dramatic, but only a little. You know how the infomercials and the girls in their organic hemp clothing, with their pseudo-messy buns and their nonfat lattes, MAKE it look?

They Make It (Look) Easy.

Haha! Just a little merit-badge humor there.

But truth be told, I was in way over my head. To be precise, I was in over my head with my legs twisted around my ears, my toes spread out like spider monkey’s, my bum poking the yogi behind me, and—artistically speaking—I was up a creek without a paddle. I had seen less complicated poses playing Twister. I was pretty sure I was going to need the Jaws of Life to remove my poor self from the Dragonfly Pose.

photo, Robert Bejil via Wikimedia Commons

Dragonfly Pose. Downward Dog. Eagle Pose. Elephant Truck Pose.

I needed a Sloth Pose. Or a Roadkill Pose. Can I get an Amen?

These were tough. I wasn’t entirely certain I was going to make it out of my class alive, much less earn my badge. The students around me were pros. They were twisted into shapes I’d only ever seen at the mall when I was buying soft pretzels. They oozed capability. I oozed wheezes and gasps and beads of sweat larger than a crocodile’s tears.

I wasn’t sure this was exactly relaxing me, and wished I had signed up for a nice watercolor class instead as I dipped my body into the Flying Crow Pose. Or tried to. I got tangled in my newfangled yoga toe sox (I was suckered into them because of the name, peeps!).

http://www.socksaddict.com

I accidently dangled my hair in my non-full-fat latte, and my yoga mat took on a life of its own. Basically, it transformed itself into a magic carpet. I took a ride—and a header—into my neighbor. Well, it IS called Flying Crow Pose.

Anyway, my new pal was very forgiving (something about yoga relaxing her temper, I think she said. It was hard to hear because I had latte in my ear, my messy bun was in my line of vision, and I was trying to untangle myself from my mat where it was attempting to murder me).

I made it through though, and although I didn’t feel precisely relaxed, I did feel accomplished.

And dare I say, so did my pants.

Welcome New Sisters! (click for current roster)

Merit Badge Awardees (click for latest awards)

My featured Merit Badge Awardee of the Week is … Caitlin Hargett!!!

Caitlin Hargett (#6460) has received a certificate of achievement in Garden Gate for earning a Beginner Level Gaining Ground Merit Badge!

“I set up a worm farm for composting and read Worms Eat My Garbage.

Worm farming is actually pretty tricky. I lost all my worms in the first week and had to buy more. So far these have lasted about 3 weeks, but I don’t have them happy enough to eat all the compost I have to give. I’m going to keep up with it and hopefully find a good system for all of us.”

Welcome New Sisters! (click for current roster)

Merit Badge Awardees (click for latest awards)

My featured Merit Badge Awardee of the Week is … Jennifer Follestad!!!

Jennifer Follestad (#6468) has received a certificate of achievement in Make it Easy for earning a Beginner Level In the Garden Merit Badge!

“I used saplings we had to cut down from under our power lines and bamboo that I had on hand and twine to build the trellis. I shoved some longer and thicker sapling trunks into the ground and used the bamboo as cross beams and then wove twine through out the trellis. For the bean teepees, I used more bamboo and twine.

I think it turned out pretty well. All structures are sturdy and stable. The trellis will be used for cucumbers, and since I usually grow bush beans, I’m using the bean teepees for peas to climb on.”

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Pampered Pets Expert Level Merit Badge, I sat Ms. Twinkles down and had a stern discussion. My frolic-y, paranoid, yappy, temperamental Pomeranian sometimes needs a good, old-fashioned, come-to-Jesus type of talk, and since she had just gone through my trash and yakked up a chicken bone all while barking madly at a leaf blowing by the window, I figured now was as good a time as any. In order to earn my Expert Level Merit Badge, this was my mission:

• Volunteer at your local humane shelter, equine therapy ranch, or other animal-care facility. Spend 10 hours volunteering or Complete Canine Good Citizen training with your dog, and consider continuing his training to be a therapy dog.

Photo by Peter Wadsworth via Wikimedia Commons

“Okay, fuzz face, this is how it’s gonna be,” I began, disentangling myself from my constant lap sitter. “Off! Dude, pay attention! Let go of my sweater.”

A branch tapped the window and Ms. Twinkles started up with her mad yipping again. She jumped up and down like a toddler who’d eaten the whole box of fruit snacks.

“Down, Ms. Twinkles!” I shouted, as she pulled down my drapes in her feverish pursuit of nature. “Stop it this instant!”

This was not going to work. My dreams of Ms. Twinkles becoming a therapy dog or even lasting more than 10 minutes in Canine Good Citizen Training was rapidly fading.

I sighed and left her chasing the mailman as I headed out to my local animal shelter.

They promptly signed me up for something called “House Training.” I hoped having a well behaved ex-shelter dog of my own was not a prerequisite. It was a little embarrassing to be trained by what looked to be an 11-year-old volunteer, but I bravely soldiered on as we walked the length of Dog Town. Such cuties. I loved them all and wanted to take them all home immediately.

“Dude, pay attention,” said the 11-year-old. She was hard-core. I snapped to attention and tried to ignore the ever-so-adorable Border Collie who was making eyes at me.

Photo by John Haslam via Wikimedia Commons

I spent all day at the shelter and learned so much, I was excited to head home and try out my newfound education and skills on Ms. Twinkles. She wouldn’t know what hit her—metaphorically speaking, of course. She’d be eligible for Good Citizen Training in no time, I just knew it.

Things I learned at the shelter (beside how not to adopt every dog in sight. Maybe just one … or two …):

• Squirrely little dogs need a properly fitted harness when walking.
• When walking dogs past the row of kennels (or anytime you are coming in contact with another canine), put the dog on the same side as the other dog(s). You don’t want to be in the way if a fight or a snarl or a bite breaks out.
• Flattened-back ears and a cowering posture is not actually a doggy being meek. This is a bad sign. The dog is stressed and anxious. If they look away, ignoring your very existence, akin to the way a 2-year-old child plays Hide and Seek by closing her eyes, this is another sign of stress and anxiety.
• The best way to house train your newfound bestie is to take him out promptly after eating. Reward his potty efforts.

I spent five hours at the shelter, and will spend another five next weekend, hanging with the kitties and socializing them. Just call me Dr. Jane Doolittle!

Photo by Ldesgreniers via Wikimedia Commons

Welcome New Sisters! (click for current roster)

Merit Badge Awardees (click for latest awards)

My featured Merit Badge Awardee of the Week is … Wendy Beach!!!

Wendy Beach (WSBeach, #6344) has received a certificate of achievement in Garden Gate for earning a Beginner Level Bee Good to Your Mother Earth Merit Badge!

“I have a small shaded backyard at my apartment so I made two raised beds in front of my apartment along with some other planters for my garden. I planted beets, chard, blueberries, strawberries onions, kitchen herbs and chamomile. I helped my granddaughter plant her first garden earlier this spring and start a compose pile. She harvested carrots, Radishes and oregano. I also read Montrose: Life in a garden.

I use Rosemary,Parsley,Thyme,and Oregano for cooking and I dehydrated catnip and chamomile for teas. I have used chard, onions in soups and stews. Now I have planted tomatoes,mints and peppers and some flowers (wild flowers in back). It makes me feel proud!”

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Disconnect to Reconnect Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I did a little kidnapping.

Oh, pshaw, Janey, my girl, I can hear you say. You would never!

Yes. Yes, I would.

Only my victims weren’t kiddos, they were fully grown adults.

Fully grown adults who you would think could go a full weekend without their phones, gadgets, Blackberries, laptops, iPods, and the like.

Rob124 via Wikimedia Commons

But no. Give me cranky toddlers, hyped up on sugar, with no naps, any day! They’d be a cinch compared to my irritable, technology-addicted girlfriends. Sigh. I did them a favor. Something I’m sure they’ll agree with and echo.

Once they come out of their cravings and withdrawal symptoms and start talking to me again, I mean.

So I suppose it was less like a kidnapping, and more like an intervention. Don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t easy for me to give it all up for a few days either. I mean, I’m as connected and plugged in and cyber social as the next gal, so I felt the withdrawal symptoms, too.

The shaking. The reaching for your phantom phone that isn’t there. The constant imaginary beeping and pinging you hear, even when it’s all in your head. The need to be near an electric outlet at all times in case of a dreaded and hideous Low Battery warning. The sound of silence that makes you run screaming for the nearest television. I get you. I was trembling, too, girls.

Though part of it was because I was pretty sure my friends were going to make me sleep with da fishes if I didn’t produce the tote bag that I accidentally/on-purpose left behind in town. Sixty miles away.

I soothed the savage beasties with a home-cooked meal of flatbread pizzas in our rented cabin, and by bedtime, they were all talking to me again.

Sometimes it was threats on my welfare, but still. Progress.

We stayed up late reminiscing about the Good Ol’ Days (the ones before technology took over our lives), drinking hot cocoa, and telling scary stories (most started out with Once upon a time an evil queen took away her minion’s cell phones and they threw her off a cliff and lived happily ever after without her … yadda yadda yadda).

photo, Masatoshi via Wikimedia Commons

Falling asleep was way hard. There were no comforting devices to cuddle with. No soothing pings in the middle of the night to reassure us that someone in Facebook Land loved us. No midnight Twitter arguments to pop popcorn over and debate in 140 characters or less. No Instagram selfies to post. No Tumbler accounts to follow. No blog post stats to check.  No Shutterfly photos to sort, no profiles to update, no online dating services to lie on.

It was scary. We huddled together for solidarity. We braided one another’s hair and ate more pizza. They made more threats on my life (blah, blah, blah).

By the next day, we were getting used to being without our devices. We could make lunch without taking pictures of it. We could use the bathroom mirror to check our reflections instead of taking selfies. We could have full, uninterrupted conversations.

By the third day, we were digging it. We had gotten know each other more in those three days then we had in the past decade, before our online identities had taken over our real identities.

I’m not saying they didn’t pounce on the tote bag like a starving cheetah on a pudgy zebra, but hey. It’s still progress.

Welcome New Sisters! (click for current roster)

Merit Badge Awardees (click for latest awards)

My featured Merit Badge Awardee of the Week is … Ginger Harmon!!!

Ginger Harmon (#6451) has received a certificate of achievement in Stitching & Crafting for earning a Beginner Level Sew Wonderful Merit Badge!

“I put together a beginner’s sewing kit with a homemade pinkeeper owl made by my dear friend, Anne Lister, from England.

I included:

• Several different colors of thread
• Buttons
• Scissors
• Needles
• Straight pins
• Safety pins
• Thimble
• Measuring tape
• Beeswax
• Oh, and my crochet hooks

I love it, and the buttons are easy to view in the Mason jam jar inside the tin. I did learn that one should not put this together with the help of the cat, since he ran off with Mr. Hoot!”

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Sew Wonderful Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I knew I had to conquer something. Namely: my phobia of printed fabric other than stripes or plaids.

Why stripes or plaids, you ask? My, so inquisitive. Is it because I have a secret obsession with Scottish prints? Was I a candy striper in another life? A Scottish candy striper, perhaps?

Well, no. I’ll tell you the real reason.

They’re so much easier to sew straight lines on.

For example: I made calico print curtains. They hang at diagonal-type draping (not what I was going for). I sewed a batch of polka-dot printed pillows (they were supposed to be square; let’s call the finished product … umm … hexagon-tangle). I made Mr. Wonderful a homemade button-down shirt (the buttons don’t exactly line up).

I’m a mess when it comes to straight lines. I was afraid to show myself at my monthly Sewing Sisters Club. I was ashamed to walk into JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts. I couldn’t even muster enough self-confidence to rifle through the fabric bolts at my local flea market. Something had to be done. I couldn’t live like this!

So, I did what any self-respecting farmgirl would do in a situation like this: I pretended to be infatuated and passionate only about stripes and plaids.

I had no choice.

Don’t judge me.

Eventually, the siren call of gingham was getting too much to bear.

I couldn’t look away from paisley. I found myself sneaking peeks at geometrics. I made puppy dog eyes at toile. I fell into a small coma at a fabric sale and when I came to, I was petting and cooing over a camouflage bolt.

*gasp*

When I found myself clutching a square of trompe l’oeil at 2 a.m. one night, in a clammy sweat, I knew something had to be done.

I sat myself down with a yard of plain blue fabric, and decided to learn to sew a straight seam, once and for all. I gave myself a stern talking to, a pep talk, if you will. It went something like this, in case you, too, need a blueprint for overcoming your straight line phobia:

“Okay, Jane, my girl. Easy does it. Deep breaths. Just use your handy dandy fabric pencil to mark lightly on your fabric … I said, lightly, woman! For cryin’ in the night. Okay, okay, I’m sorry. You’re doing fine. It’s a bit diagonal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t straight, does it? Good. Good. Very good. Um, not so good. Alright, time to sew. Now, now, no shaking. Not with a needle in your hand. Very good. Okay, we’re getting somewhere. This isn’t so bad. Steady now, girl. Steady on …

I ended my 12-step program as I end each 12-step program:

With a set of lovely … and straight—well, straight-ish—curtains made of chintz. And a set of throw pillows made of toile.

photo, PoshSurfside.com via Flickr.com

Feeling proud of myself and my new badge, I decided to conquer another fear: my fear of that peach cobbler in my freezer getting freezer burn. Only one way to remedy that.