Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/Herbs Merit Badge, I decided to make my barista’s life a little easier. You see, I’m a real chai lover: that subtly spicy, oh so creamy, delectably frothy, so-thick-you-could-chew-it beverage of choice. Especially during the fall season (oh, let it begin soon). I could pretty much drink my weight in chai lattes. Okay, okay, I am a pint-sized gal, but still. You get my drift.

Anyway, I was really fine-tuning my chai specifications and it was starting to wear on my barista. She was beginning to get the shakes around me, and I don’t think it’s simply because she gets an employee discount on her grande, almond, double-shot mochas. It was because my order was a bit … well, specific. Tailored to fit my tummy’s needs. Complicated. As in,

Medium-sized chai latte with goat’s milk, heavy on the nutmeg, light on the cloves, sprinkled with cinnamon, extra cardamom, dash of grated ginger, drizzled with local honey, in a tall cup with room for sprinkles.

It was getting a little out of hand, I admit.

But the taste! Ah, bliss in a reusable travel mug … come to Mama, sweet thing, come to Mama.

So, anyway, when I realized there was a badge I hadn’t even touched yet and it involved knowing and growing herbs, I was all about it. Sadly for me, the first thing I learned is I don’t live in Sri Lanka, so growing my own cinnamon was going to be an unrealized dream for moi. But cardamom was a possibility, and I jumped in with both feet. I could already taste my homemade chai. It was going to be epic. It was going to knock my socks off.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,451 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Garden Gate/The Secret Life of Bees Merit Badge, I had to rethink the way I thought about bees. Here’s the buzz:

The little guys and girls are disappearing. Vamoose. Puff. Like a magic act gone awry, our furry little pals are MIA. At first (I admit grudgingly) I was secretly like, who cares?

I know. Harsh.

But right behind their eight-legged buddies, bees were not high on my list of favorite animals. Puppies, yes. Kittens, sure thing. Chickens and horses and lions and tigers and bears? Oh my. But bees? Come on! They buzz by, making me yelp in fear and perform strange dance moves at odd times, and let’s be honest: we’ve all been stung once or twice, am I right?

But the more I learned, the more I began to be fond of the itty bitty creatures. I mean, they’re working hard for us. I happen to LIKE fruits and veggies. I don’t want to live off Doritos, people! Not to mention, I am real fond of local honey. My morning toast would be lonely without it.

You know what they say: you never know what you have until it’s gone.

Sniffle.

Sigh.

Weep.

Short of dressing up like Pooh Bear, complete with honey pot atop my head, I didn’t know what to do. So I headed over to http://www.vanishingbees.com/ and watched a short documentary, narrated by the lovely and talented Ellen Page. There ARE things we can do to entice our bees back to us, and I was determined to do my part.

Plant a bee friendly garden. Well, I can do that. Not a prob, Bob. I got out my handy dandy trowel, turned my soil, and got to work. I was surprised to learn that the bees and I enjoy the same kinds of plants, too …

wild garlic

sage

pumpkins

rosemary

fruit trees

blackberries

and tons of others. We were made for each other, me and the bees. Talk about star-crossed. Romeo and Juliet had nothing on us.

*stifles sobs*

I worked all afternoon making sure my garden was bee friendly. I thought about putting up a Vacancy sign, but decided that might make me look a little desperate. I settled for checking out Sue Monk Kid’s Secret Life of Bees and dove in. My knowledge grew, and hopefully – though it might take a little while – so will my honey pot.

But don’t get too excited. I am so NOT planting a spider friendly garden next.

Though I am quite fond of E.B. White’s Charlotte’s Web.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,451 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Let’s Get Physical Merit Badge, I stepped up my game. Literally. The neighborhood kids had gone back to school and left me in the dust, so to speak. We had had some majorly epic games of Kick the Can, Basketball, and Cul-de-Sac Roller Derby, and now they had abandoned my fitness goals for algebra homework.

The nerve.

Well, I sadly waved goodbye to my summertime friends, and sorrowfully Kicked the Can all the way back to my house. Alone. I was going to have to come up a new plan for my Expert Level Badge, and quickly. You know, before the ol’ muffin top and love handles found me again …

Mmmmm, muffins.

No, no, Janie, my girl, sez I, have some will power! I can, I have, and I will again. Although, did you know that if you lick the frosting off a cupcake, it magically becomes a muffin? And we all know muffins are healthy.

Note to self: write diet book.

I scoured my local community for new fitness options. A softball team, a 5k, a Bike-A-Thon—I was up for anything. Well, not anything anything. As a general rule, I try not to run unless I’m being chased by a bear, and even then, it’s iffy. I would probably just throw it a cupcake and hope for the best.

And then I saw it. Ballet! How had I not thought of this particular field before? It was genius. Not only would I tone my calves, but I could break out the ol’ tutu and really rock the bun look. I signed myself up for a Beginning Adult class and laced up my dance shoes. Well, not precisely; I was sad to learn pointe shoes only go to the more advanced ballerinas. No matter. How hard could twirling and pointing my piggies be?

An hour and a half later, I staggered out into the sunlight, my tutu dragging, my pink tights soaked with sweat, my toes sore, my bun lopsided, and the words of a Russian lady, who I believe may or may not have been speaking French, echoing in my addle pated brain. What a harebrained scheme I had committed myself to. What had I done? This class was battement-ing my derriere and it was only Week One!

A tiny, glittery dancer pirouetted by as I leaned against the wall, trying to get up the energy to find my car. She leapt across the street and cheerily waved at me. I glowered. This was obviously not her Week One. I panted for a bit, and finally attempted to move off the wall. Unfortunately, I could not recall how to make my feet move. I longed for a cupcake.

Or a bear.

I decided I would live here. On the side of this building. It was a nice building. And it was holding me up, so we were feeling pretty close. Sadly for me and my plan, my ballet teacher found me as she was locking up.

“You go now!” she told me, with her hands on her perfectly turned-out hips. “You go home and stretch.”

Obediently, I began to move my stiff muscles towards my car, amid suggestions (and demands) that I suck in my stomach, lift my head, relax my fingers, and then repeat—this time faster.

If I live long enough, I think I’m going to sign up for something less murderous. Like rugby.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,451 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Aprons Merit Badge, I was super psyched to earn my Expert Level Badge. I had the perfect opportunity for it, too: a couple of my girlfriends were opening a bakery downtown and my plan was to make us matching aprons (the frillier, the better) and have us all wear them as we gave out their mouth-watering, moist, decadent, frosted cupcake samples, thereby luring in customers for life with our yumminess and our farmgirl style.

Lest you think I was only there for the cupcakes, I assure you … I am all about aprons and the movement to bring them back to everyday fashion.

And incidentally, I do enjoy the occasional cupcake.

Or three.

But anyway, I had a grand time picking out my fabrics. That, in itself, would have fulfilled the three-hour time commitment this badge requires, but perhaps you are not so shoppingly indecisive as I. I finally (and I do mean finally) quieted my inner voice that kept telling me the even more perfect calico was just around the next clearance table, and happily

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Carp-HEN-try Merit Badge, I decided to tackle a project I’d been wistfully daydreaming about for weeks. Now that the weather has cooled down a bit, I am spending even more time outside (everything from eating to reading to painting my nails to gossiping is done out of doors these days) and I’ve been eyeballing my old carport.

It’s a sad little carport. A bit tumble down, a bit unloved, it houses exactly zero cars and is nothing like a port. It’s more like a ramshackle weed patch, with a cover. But in my head—ah, in my head—it’s a lovely little outdoor patio.

Picture this: a level ground, grapes or ivy growing up over the trellis, maybe some large stepping stones, and a cute-as-a-button, bistro-style table and chairs. Maybe an old hutch as well, filled with outdoor enamelware and pitchers for iced tea. Some hanging lanterns, perhaps, or some twinkly Christmas lights? A mister for those hot summer evenings?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Outpost/Fishing Merit Badge, I was inspired by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Yep, that’s right: that pigtailed whippersnapper who was always scampering off behind the ol’ log cabin to do some fishing. Yes, fishing. She was the quintessential American tomboy, and the kiddo sure knew how to eat. Those books always make me so hungry … mmm, fish!

The only other time I’ve tried the sport of fishing (Is it a sport? A hobby? An art form? A pastime?) was during an especially long employee barbeque, where I got bored, wandered off, offered to man a pole for a pal, fell asleep, and got a wicked sunburn. And no fish. So, I had a bit of PTSD to overcome, but I was all in. Committed. Eager to learn (and eat).

For the Beginning Level badge, I just needed to learn some fishing knots: clinch, Palomar, turle, barrel knot, and double surgeon’s loop. Who knew there were knots in fishing, anyway? Not me, said the little red hen.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Languages/Culture Merit Badge (Level Two … you heard it here first!) I brushed off my American Sign Language skills. They had gotten slightly rusty from disuse, but since all I had learned earning my Beginning Level Badge was the Alphabet and how to count to 10, it didn’t take long to jog my memory.

I had recently connected with a girlfriend—a Sister, if you will—who was learning sign language too, so we decided to meet for coffee and earn the next level together.

Solidarity, sisters!

That’s where it’s at.

And if there’s a grande, full-fat mocha with a shot of caramel, a drizzle of hazelnut, whipped cream, and a scone involved, then that’s where I’m at!

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,518 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,301 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Make It Easy/Relaxation Merit Badge, I was eager to tackle the Intermediate Level. Although with this badge, I suppose the phrase “tackle it” is a bit of a misnomer. I eased into the Intermediate Level, took some deep, cleansing breaths in the general direction of Level Two, and made my way there at the speed of snail.

And I’m off like a herd of turtles!

Okay, okay, I’m exaggerating. We all remember how easily Level One did NOT come to me. Who knew relaxing could be so difficult? I started with five minutes, working my way up to the coup de grace, 15 whole minutes of relaxing! Every day! For two weeks!

My mind was blown. This is tougher than it sounds. Don’t believe me? Try it. But start with the Beginning Level, my little chickadees. Ready for Level Two, you are not. Teach you, I will.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ