Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Know Your Roots Merit Badge, another trip to see my Grandma Barbie was in order. She was out of my world-famous strawberry jam and due for a fresh pedicure anyway, so I packed up my car and off I went to Florida! This merit badge requires some family history, some digging, some reminiscing, and a sparkly topcoat (toluene-, formaldehyde-, and DBP-free, naturally!)

Grandma was in a Hot Yoga class when I arrived at the retirement community and I had to kill some time with nice old Mr. Joe (his friends call him G.I.) out front. We swung a bit on the porch swing, my flipflops and his combat boots dangling in the breeze. He’s a sweet gentleman, albeit a bit of a flirt.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,344 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,177 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Cheese Making Merit Badge, I was movin’ on up, to the East side, to a deluxe apartment in the sky … Oops. Sorry. Sometimes I am overtaken by a wild urge to sing the lyrics to classic television shows. Anyway, back to the badge, Madge!

I was movin’ on up, if you will, to the Intermediate Level of the Cheese Making badge. Because, let’s face it chickadees, if there is cheese, I will be there. When it comes to snack foods, I come to snack foods! And since my buttermilk and yogurt were both a resounding success, I was feeling pretty confident. I was already having daydreams about Aged Gouda, Smoked Mozzarella, Garlic Jack, Drunken Goat, and a creamy Bleu! The stinkier the cheese, the closer to heaven, isn’t that right? I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,205 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—7,043 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Outpost/Glamping Merit Badge, I steeled myself for an overnight with my favorite triplets. Midge’s kiddos are somewhere between the ages of 6 and 12, respectively. Hey, I’m a single gal: I’m not great with guessing children’s ages! I just know they are old enough to buckle their own seat belts, but not old enough to get a learner’s permit.

Anyway …

Midge needed an overnight sitter, so Yours Truly volunteered. Well, volunteer is a strong word … more like my deer-in-the-headlights look must have masqueraded as a pick-me look. I’d better work on that. But all kidding aside, I was psyched, amped up, phat, chillaxed, you know, to be the cool auntie for a night, plus it was the perfect opportunity to earn another badge! Which one, you might ask?

The ever-popular Glamping one.

Oh. Yes. Indeedy.

Though I’d heard of glamping, collected a Pinterest wall of glamping ideas, have friends who have done it, and daydreamed of all it entailed, I still hadn’t left my house.

My comfy, comfy house.

With that comfy, comfy bathroom.

Yes, I’m a wimp. A pathetic excuse for a farmgirl. I’ve said it.

But no more! I was going glamping. Even if it was just in the backyard.

Close to that comfy, comfy bathroom.

Don’t fret, chickadees, I don’t plan to cheat.

Unless completely necessary.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,091 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,887 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

Well, I was about to find out just how good my short story was. The next part of the Stitching and Crafting/Ink Slinger Merit Badge (Sheesh! Was selling my soul next? This novel writing really wrings the drama and emotion out of a girl!) was to give it to a friend to correct for grammar, spelling, and punctuation. I shoved it into Midge’s waiting hands, knowing she corrected her triplets’ use of the English language approximately 12387.23487 times per day. Before breakfast.

Midge left with my baby in her eager paws, and I swear I heard a maniacal laugh out of my BFF as she did. Maybe it was the after-effects of too much iced tea and coffee, though.

Midge would be gentle … wouldn’t she?

I must have voiced that worry out loud because Brittany, the youngest triplet, started giggling hysterically.

“Um, sure, Auntie Jane … sure, she will.” She patted my head in a reassuring fashion, but she was still chortling.

I could barely sleep that night. Midge assured me she couldn’t get to my story until the kids were in bed that night, so I had to wait. I tossed and turned fretfully. Would she see the parallels between good and evil? Would she appreciate the gentle humor? The life lessons? The sweet coming of age story line? The particularly nice cursive?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 5,091 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,887 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Ink Slinger Merit Badge, I finished the last page of Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style, with a satisfied sound and prepared to … wait for it …

Write the Great American Novel.

Well, eventually.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/I Should Have Been in the Movies! Merit Badge, I had to conquer a lifelong fear. A phobia. Not spiders, those misunderstood little gentlemen of the buggy world. Not heights, which give me a delicious, butterflies-in-the-ol’-tummy kind of thrill. Not deep water, which only makes me practice my mermaid kicks and hair tossing. Not even the dark, which just makes me crave warm milk and a nap. No, no, my fear is of … public speaking.

I know. You’re shocked, right? I kinda am, too. I mean, I’m an exuberant personality! A talkative gal! If I were to write my autobiography, it’d be chock full of exclamation points!!!!!!!!

!!

But there’s something about putting me on stage, or *gulp* focusing a camera on Yours Truly, and I freeze.

Just ask my third grade teacher, Miss Trunchbull, who demoted me from Pretty Princess to Rock #4 faster than you could say, Speak up, Miss Jane, I can’t hear a word you’re saying over all that melodramatic knee knocking.

Memories. Some light the corners of your mind and some just need to be buried under a mountain of chocolate pudding.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Farmgirl Spirit Merit Badge, I found a creative outlet for my spring fever. Spring fever? Say it isn’t so! Farm Romance Fever sounds more like it.

Having all these badges under my belt (figuratively speaking, of course), I really wanted to do something with them. Namely, show them off a bit. All in the name of hospitality, naturally. I didn’t really want to show off the badges, per se, but the skills I acquired earning those badges. Know what I mean, organic string bean?

Just a little farmgirl humor there …

I always host a party in Spring. Maybe it’s that the days are getting a bit longer, maybe it’s the fact that I’ve done my spring cleaning and want to show it off before the dust settles once again, maybe it’s the joy of packing up the sweaters and boots and pulling out the flip-flops and sundresses, but whatever it is, I’m always ready for some friendship and good eats ‘long about May! So, in my best handwriting, I mailed an invitation to my idol, a man who turned 80 yesterday, a man who has used his fame and fortune to help the farmers of America a tremendous amount—Willie Nelson. Imagine my surprise when not only did he RSVP, he RSVP-ed a resounding Yes! Evidently, I was not the only one in need of some farmgirl interaction, eh?

First things first, I planned my menu. I used to plan my menus based on whatever was on the cover of the first foodie magazine that caught my eye standing in line at the grocery store. Nowadays, I base my menu according to what’s in season and what’s calling my name at the Farmers’ Market.

Do you hear that?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting Merit Badge, I put my tongue between my teeth, settled down in a comfy spot, and got out my paper collection. Since I’ve been recycling and trying not to waste not/want not, my paper supply was getting out of hand. I’ve never really tried origami unless you count my heart-shaped valentines or the way I attempt to fold napkins at Thanksgiving (and I don’t think the Buddhist monks who perfected origami would consider it such), so I was in for a learning experience, thank you very much.

Evidently, no one knows for sure and certain who invented the art of origami—the Japanese or the Chinese—but I think I can safely say they have both excelled at it. Me? Not so much.

Not yet, anyway … but just you wait until Thanksgiving.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

Intermediate Level

For this week’s Each Other/Land a Hand to Families Merit Badge, I traveled to Florida to see my Gramma Barbie. Well, I was going anyway, but an opportunity to earn another badge kind of presented itself. (What? I’m not addicted! I can stop anytime I want to. Is there a 12-Step Program for Badge Lovers?) Gramma broke her hip recently and could use a little help from her favorite granddaughter.

My gramma is a real get-up-and-go kinda girl, so I knew this weekend wasn’t going to be a walk in the park for either of us. She is more the serve-others type, not the sit-still-and-boss-your-granddaughter-around type, so I figured we both had our work cut out for us.

(Gramma could seriously use the Relaxation Merit Badge).

Still, knowing all this and surviving this were two very different things.

Gramma had already had her surgery when I arrived, had been released from the hospital, and was in a fine mood when I arrived. And by a fine mood, I mean she was stir crazy, going nuts, and fighting off a bad case of cabin fever. Just cleaning her house and plugging a movie in for her was not going to do it. I may have been over my head.

I started with making her some sweet tea. This I was prepared for. Most grammas like their sweet tea, and I was determined to change a few of her bad eating habits when I was there, so I had smuggled in some organic, loose-leaf Assam and a jar of my favorite local honey. Turns out, I was naïve. I had to wean her off her Lipton and a pound a sugar per glass, g r a d u a l l y. I started by diluting hers little by little with my homemade brew, until she was drinking half-and-half and none the wiser. I was feeling pretty sneaky, but since I was pretty sure I was saving her from a sugar coma, I smothered the guilty feeling with logic (and a cookie).

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 4,945 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—6,765 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ

For this week’s Each Other/Little Squirts Merit Badge, my ears really thanked me. All my doors, windows, hinges, well, nearly everything in my life that could potentially squeak, was squeaking.

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