Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Little Scrappers Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I snagged the opportunity to do one of my favorite things (scrapbooking), and one thing I’d always wanted to do (ice skating).

Henri Giacomotto, ‘La patineuse’

Piper’s family invited me along on their family outing to the rink, and I was pleased as punch to lace up my new skates and try my skillz at waltzing/turning/spinning/arabesquing falling/crashing/bruising/face-planting. I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, so I borrowed some shin guards from Andy and placed my bike helmet safely atop my curls (better safe than brain damaged, I always say).

Piper was new at this, too, so I was not alone. Not skating, unfortunately, but scrapbooking; so I tried to convince myself we were on a level playing field. We were soooo not. Turns out, skating is much harder to master than cutting and gluing. Or at least, so I thought. (The little whippersnapper really cannot cut in a straight line. I tried to ignore it and patted her on the head reassuringly. Or at least I would have had I not been gliding by like elegant ballerina gimpy penguin.)

Piper took lots of pictures to commemorate my big day and to paste lovingly into her first scrapbook. She can really multitask; she was decorating borders at the same time she was sashaying ‘round the rink. I can relate though; I was multitasking too. I was outlining a rough draft of my Last Will and Testament as I crashed unceremoniously into a Hot Cocoa Booth (that thing came outta nowhere).

photo, Alanna George via Wikimedia Commons

I was very much patting myself on my (thrown-out) back over the use of the helmet. It saved my noggin from crackin’ in four or five places at least, and it also came in handy as our day came to a (blessed) close and I used it to hold all of Piper’s photos on the way back to the car. She skipped along merrily, and I limped like a one-legged pirate who’d had too much rum.

I had mistakenly assumed Piper would use a digital camera, or even her mommy’s cell phone, but she had an adorable Polaroid Snap, so the photos were ready for pasting asap. Photographic evidence suggests I am a professional photo bomber, but in my defense, they were nearly all unintentional … you try staying out of a family’s nice picture when you’re standing on ice in shoes with tiny strips of metal on them. Yeah. Harder than it looks. Photo after photo, I am a blur of panic, leaving not-quite-death and destruction in my wake, as I skated by, knocking out elderly senior citizens and small children alike. Hey, don’t feel too bad; those grannies really know how to move out of the way when they’re motivated. I figure I saved them from having to go to Jazzercise this week.

I would have helped Piper more when we got home with her scrapbooking, but I needed to put a heat pack on my back and a bag of frozen peas on my tushy. She assured me she could figure out the intricacies of album arranging without me and would bring the finished product by for a looksee after my long winter’s nap and after my toes recovered from frostbite.

I’m thinking the skates will make nice flower planters. Is there a badge for that?

ice skate planters, Macys.com

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Nora, Piper, Andy, and the Hostess with the Mostess (that’s me) all joined forces.

For the good of cake.

Yum.

Now, we had all gone through rigorous training to bring us to this day. After all, we had baked our way to success (and one or two failures) through the Beginner and Intermediate Level Badges, and so thusly, henceforth, and so on and so forth, forever and ever, amen, we were set.

(My waistline? A whole ‘nother kettle of fish.)

We had made our homemade, from-scratch cakes earlier and then we read through the badge requirements for this, our final cake badge: woe was us … we were supposed to decorate the said cakes and take photos.

Umm, hello? Those cakes had been digested in our tummies for a while now.

So, we did the next best thing, considering the holidays were upon us …

Andy, Nora, Piper, and Jane’s Gingerbread/Pretzel Houses

Supplies suggested:

• pretzel rods/sticks (Lots and lots. As the age-old saying goes, one for the house, one for my belly.)

• gumdrops (You can buy organic candy here. They even have kosher gummy cubs!)

• red-hots

• licorice ropes

• chocolate rocks

• coconut

• icing for piping

• “cement” for glue

• graham crackers

Now, depending on whether you want to eat your creation or just stare lovingly at it all season long, you will want to choose your ingredients accordingly. Piper and I were more about the architecture of the thing and we had our own snack stash nearby, so we skipped the homemade icings and used hot glue. Shh. Don’t tell. Andy and Nora, on the other hand, were all about noshing on their houses like Hansel and Gretel, and so we made sure they got their hands on most of the good-for-you organic treats, and homemade “cement.”

“Cement” for gluing houses together:

Beat 4 egg whites with 1 t cream of tartar till stiff. Gradually add 4 cups powdered sugar (I said, gradually, Andy!) and beat five minutes. Will harden quickly, so keep a towel or plastic wrap on it when not using.

The pretzel sticks/rods are adorbs for making log cabins. Coconut can be edible snow, or can be tinted with green food coloring to make grass. You can also use half-and-half, pint-sized or half-gallon-sized, empty containers for your house frames. Paint, or decoupage, and then add your candy décor. Rock chocolates make excellent chimneys.

photo by Jeff Markham via Wikimedia Commons

We had ourselves a little Christmas village when we were done. Were they cakes necessarily? In the purest sense of the word? Cakes, per se? Okay, maybe not precisely … but what is cake but something that brings people together in the kitchen? And that we did, me and my elves. And I’d say, it was joyful and triumphant.

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Food Allergy Awareness Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I tackled my newfound knowledge of that lowly, insidious issue of food allergies, and wrestled it into the kitchen.

That’s right. What good is knowing things if you aren’t part of the solution, am I right? Of course I am.

I set about rewriting three family recipes with a food allergic person in mind. What if, for example, you have a loved one coming over for Thanksgiving dinner and they are gluten free? How will you serve that oh-so important and not to be neglected Turkey Day staple, the stuffing? Or, say your uncle has a craving for a slow-roasted ham, but can’t tolerate any form of sugar in the glaze? (And who doesn’t? Have a craving for slow-roasted ham, that is. I mean, come on. The day I don’t have a slow-roasted ham craving is the day you know to bury me six feet under.) I mean, it’s a pickle really.

Don’t get me started on pickle allergies. If there is such a thing then I declare, this is a world I cannot be a part of.

Anyway. I had no such uncle, nor any gluten-free friends at the moment, so I took a different approach: I pretended.

That’s me, Jane, the Great Pretender. I pretended I was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and dairy.

But, Janey, you’re saying, peanuts are a nut, you, you NUT! Nope, peanuts are a legume, thank you very much. You can be quite allergic to tree nuts and not to peanuts, and the other way ‘round.

photo by jules / stonesoup via Wikimedia Commons

Cue the melodious strains of a back-to-school special … the more you know …

You’d think, wouldn’t you, that it wouldn’t be that hard to avoid nuts (or legumes), especially if you’re doing your own cooking, but you’d be wrong. Or at least, wrongish. I reached for a bottle of Asian salad dressing as a marinade for my chicken (I was making lettuce wraps) and belatedly read the ingredients. Yep, you guessed it, peanut oil.

I was glad I hadn’t picked soy as one of my food allergy ingredients to avoid because then I really would have been up a creek without a paddle. I try to avoid soy anyway, but boy do they ever put it in everything (it’s nearly as everywhere as gluten is). My chicken lettuce wraps turned out okay, but they were missing the crunch of a few sprinkled nuts, I must say. I tossed some corn nuts in as a replacement (they were … weird).

Next, I whipped up a batch of my world-famous Everything But the Kitchen Sink Cookies, but with variations. I had to take out all the nuts once again (grr!) and not only that, but I had to remove the dairy as well.

Wait, is butter a dairy?

photo by Armmark via Wikimedia Commons

I don’t wanna do this anymore …

I substituted coconut oil and applesauce for the butter (if you’re going to tell me coconut is a nut, I’m going to have to slap you with a cookie), and replaced the nuts with some dried fruits and some extra oats for texture.

They were pretty tasty, although I will probably have to rename them Everything But the Kitchen Sink and Not To Mention Nuts and Butter Cookies. Which makes it a little hard to file in my recipe box, but no matter.

The third recipe I revamped was a fruit smoothie. I thought it’d be easy, until I realized I couldn’t replace the cow’s milk with almond milk, because … nuts! And I couldn’t replace the almond milk with cow’s milk, because … dairy.

So I threw some strawberries in a blender and added some tequila and called it a day.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Each Other/Big Kid Now Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I wrangled Piper, Andy, and Nora to earn their badges together. Birds of a feather flock together like peas in a pod. Or something to that effect.

Anyway, this badge was all about daydreaming towards the future and answering the ever immortal and infamous question that the under-18 crowd gets asked twenty-eleven times in their short life spans:

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Buzz Aldrin walks on the moon, July 20, 1969, via Wikimedia Commons

Now, this seemingly innocuous query can cause panic, anxiety, and hives in young adults of the teenage variety (and some of the just-graduated college age group as well), but these particular whippersnappers found it intriguing.

Especially when I assured them that the sky was the limit (after all, who doesn’t want to be an astronaut?).

It really got their gray matter working overtime. Piper was coming up with career notions as fast as she could write them down with her trusty hot-pink quill pen, Nora firmly stuck to her #1 choice, but Andy was … well, surprisingly thoughtful.

I mean, you could have knocked me over with Pipe’s hot-pink quill pen. He was really stewing and brewing and weighing his options. It was like he was … was … thinking. Anyone who knows and loves a preteen boy knows this is rare indeed: like seeing a unicorn on your way to the market or something.

I say this in love.

But ‘tis true.

Then he *gasp* wanted to go the library to research his Top Ten Career Paths. I couldn’t say no to that request. (Though I was still filled with apprehension after our last trip there. Would there be a photo of me with a red line crossed through? Would I be banned for shouting, spilling my coffee, and losing half the children I had arrived with? It’s not easy being Auntie, I tell you.)

photo by Wpcpey via Wikimedia Commons

We set off like a herd of turtles and made our way to the Non-Fiction Kid’s Section—where none of us had actually been before. It was a whole new world there, chickadees! I always thought Non-Fiction was a bit on the borrrrrring side myself, but once again, I have changed my wicked ways.

I settled down with a biography of Julia Child while the three ankle-biters perused. Each of us had brought our own reusable shopping bag, both for ease of transport and also to cut down on the squabbling. Well, actually Nora brought a suitcase on wheels, but the librarian didn’t even bat an eye. Sometimes I think librarians have seen things that would make a lesser gal squirm in shock. They’re like the unsung heroes and ninjas of the literature world. Also, if the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m heading to the library, post haste.

The book about Julia was making me super hungry. I was having a hard time focusing on our assignment, but luckily the kids were doing well. The Non-Fiction section was pretty picked over by the time we were done with it and I kinda hoped there weren’t any other Young Cultivators eager to earn this specific badge today (or in the next two weeks, since that’s how long we had our books for).

On our way home, we had to drive-through for tacos because … well, Julia.

Want to see what the trio of intrepid daydreamers checked out?

Stay tuned!

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Garden Gate/Grow Forth Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I kidnapped borrowed Piper from next door and we sat down with a basket of applesauce muffins to make a list of five local eateries that make her life easier and more fun.

Turns out, ever since the Spaghetti in Her Hair Episode of 2011, Piper’s mom doesn’t frequent restaurants much these days.

Can’t imagine why …

Anyway, despite my reassurances that there is not a big poster of Piper’s face with a slash through it on every door in town, Mom decided not to come on our little Tour of Delight (as we called it).

An excuse to wander downtown and sample wares? Why, yes, please! The two of us set off with stars in our eyes and a rumbling in our tummies.

postcard, Boston Public Library via Wikimedia Commons

We ducked into a delicatessen, where Piper was shocked and awed to find she actually enjoyed a good sauerkraut; a cookie bakery that was giving out samples of mini snickerdoodles; an organic smoothie shop where we shared a mango and pineapple concoction that was quite delish; a diner that specialized in hand-cut French fries with a special and secret sauce; and a coffee bar that served up a spicy and thick hot chocolate that nearly made me swear off coffee, it was so good.

I confess, it had been a while for me as far as eating out goes. I had gotten so into growing and cooking my own grub, I’d forgotten the tiny luxury of a sandwich made by someone else, and the feeling of satisfaction I get when I know my money has gone to a local business.

I was fairly sick with remorse over my lack of attention to my town’s eateries, so I bought a dozen more snickerdoodles to calm my fretful heart. (Yup. Totally did the trick. But just in case the icky feeling came back, I purchased another basket of French fries.)

Then, our consciences abated, we made another list. This time it was for ideas for our own, imaginary food business. Well, imaginary as of right now anyway … but you never know.

Piper and Jane’s Business Ideas (Food Edition)

• Totally Tacos: Hey, they’re not just for Tuesdays anymore!
• Little Miss Muffins: 24-hour muffin shop (how many times do you crave a peach muffin at 2 a.m., canIgetanamen?)
• Donut Forget the Sprinkles: Get it? Donut? Do Not? Ha!
• Piper’s Pickles: homegrown right from the cuke!
• Salad Toppers: everything you wanted to put in a salad but were afraid to ask
• Save the Grape: (evidently, Piper has a hatred of raisins and wants to eliminate them from Planet Earth)
• Scones R Us
• Ice Creamery: an ice cream shop where Piper refuses to put nuts in ice cream no matter how many customers want them

We eliminated a couple right off the bat (the grape rebellion will have to wait) and settled on Piper’s Pickles. Who wouldn’t want to buy a jar of homegrown pickles from a cute little stand, manned by a whippersnapper with a knack for pickling?

Now, we just wait patiently for summer …

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Each Other/Her-Story Beginner Level Merit Badge, I found myself stumped for a moment. Find an influential and/or powerful woman who is still alive to research.

Hmm. Seemed simple enough, but surprisingly difficult, to boot. Also, I got a little sad when random women jumped into my head, then when I Googled them, found that they had passed to their eternal reward. Sniffle. Audrey Hepburn, I’m talking to you.

Audrey Hepburn and Mel Ferrer, while filming War and Peace. Milton H. Greene for LOOK Magazine via Wikimedia Commons.

I puzzled and puzzled till my puzzler was sore. I racked my gray matter. I pondered and pontificated and mused. I ate some cookies. I thought some more. I drummed my fingers restlessly on my coffee table, where my latest stack of library books sat ready and waiting. I looked down.

Then, I had it!

Harry Potter’s cute, little, bespectacled face peered up at me endearingly.

J.K. Rowling!

photo by Daniel Ogren via Wikimedia Commons

Talk about influential and powerful. I mean, she singlehandedly got millions of school-aged youngsters to love books again. That’s influential. She changed the game for middle school novels. That’s powerful. And even more than that, I learned she’s pretty darn inspirational too.

Some facts about J.K. you might find as super-neato as I did:

• J.K. (or Joanne as I like to call her, since I pretty much assume we’re friends by now) wrote the first Harry Potter while she was a single mom on welfare, and it was rejected 12 times before being picked up by a publishing house for a mere $4,000.
• The fourth book in the series, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, became the fastest-selling book in history. Like, history of the world, peeps.
• Rowling is now the 13th wealthiest woman in Britain (wealthier even than the queen!)
• Her book, The Tales of Beedle the Bard, puts every cent in royalties earned towards charity.
• The films based on her books are the second-highest-grossing films in history.
• She went from living on state benefits to multi-millionaire status in a mere five years.
• Forbes ranked Rowling as the 48th most powerful celebrity of 2007, and Time magazine named her as a runner-up for its 2007 Person of the Year, noting the social, moral, and political inspiration she has given her fans. In October 2010, Rowling was named the “Most Influential Woman in Britain” by leading magazine editors.
• She based the character of Hermione Granger on herself when she was 11.
• In 1982, she took the entrance exams for Oxford, but was not accepted. She ended up going to University of Exeter, where she recalls doing very little work, and mostly read a lot of Dickens and Tolkien.
• In 2012 Forbes had to remove Rowling from their list of billionaires because she had given so much money away to charities, she lost her billionaire status. Wowza!
• Rowling has named communist and civil rights activist Jessica Mitford as her “most influential writer,” saying, “Jessica Mitford has been my heroine since I was 14 years old, when I overheard my formidable great-aunt discussing how Mitford had run away at the age of 19 to fight with the Reds in the Spanish Civil War”, and claims what inspired her about Mitford was that she was “incurably and instinctively rebellious, brave, adventurous, funny and irreverent, she liked nothing better than a good fight, preferably against a pompous and hypocritical target.” Sounds like a few s/heroes I know!
• Rowling has described Jane Austen as her favorite author, calling Emma her favorite book. As a child, Rowling has said her early influences included The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis, The Little White Horse by Elizabeth Goudge, and Manxmousee by Paul Gallico.

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Garden Gate/Rootin’ Tootin’ Expert Level Merit Badge, I was basking in the warm glow of achievement. Oh, Expert Level Badges, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

The warm and fuzzy feeling I get when I earn one.

The newfound knowledge that makes my head swell (in a totally humble and attractive way, of course).

The eagerness with which I tell my friends and family.

Embroidering my badge and feeling oh-so-accomplished.

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Make It Fruity Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I made sure I was fully recovered from my blackberry-bush war wounds, and Piper and I set about earning the last and final badge in our pursuit of all things fruity.

First off, I had to bring Pipe down a notch: Turns out, becoming an “expert” in something went straight to her tiara-topped head. She got so big for her britches she nearly didn’t fit in the kitchen. But she came ‘round and her eyes got big when I told her we’d be making fruit leather.

photo by George Wesley via Wikimedia Commons

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,130 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,150 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Make It Easy/Furniture Makeover Expert Level Merit Badge, I combined my love of daydreaming about furniture upcycling and my love for taking things apart and putting them back together again. And I had just the project in mind …

You see, at one end of my block, there was a yard sale happening.

And at the other end of my block, there was a preschool opening.

You see where I’m going with this?

No?

You obviously don’t waste spend as much time on Pinterest as I do, reimagining my life as a DIY Queen of Recycled and Homemade Furniture.

photo by Jimmyjazz via Wikimedia Commons

Don’t worry about it, chickadees, I’m here to clue you in. My plan was to …

Continue reading →

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,050 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,044 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Know Your Food Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I snagged Nora. No, literally. I snagged her as she wandered by on her way to the mini-mart, munching on a bag of High Fructose Corn Syrup Coco Frosted Sugar Bombs. She looked a little dazed and confused, but I attributed that to the sugar coma I just woke her up from.

“Hey, Nora!” said I, proudly showing off the biggest watermelon in my patch.

Her eyes lit up with something that resembled a sign of life. “Cool. I like watermelon. Watermelon fruit snacks, watermelon Jell-o, watermelon gum, watermelon Kool-Aid, watermelon Jolly Ranchers, watermel …“

“And, watermelon, right?”

Photo by Steve Evans via Wikimedia Commons

Continue reading →