Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,387 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,656 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Each Other/Big Kid Now Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Piper, Andy, Nora, and Yours Truly buckled down. When we earned our Beginner Level Merit Badge, we had checked out most of the Non-Fiction section of the local library, and now we were settling in for a long winter’s nap. I mean, a long afternoon of reading. Also, it’s fall. I really gotta work on my analogies.

Is there a badge for that?

We had so many books we spent an hour organizing them, which caused some issues. Pipes likes organizing things by color (you should see her nail polish collection), Nora recently learned how to alphabetize and wanted to show her skillz, and Andy, well, Andy is Andy and mostly he wants to do the opposite of what the girls want to do. He just wanted to stack his books up high and play a game of Jenga with them.

photo by Guma89 via Wikimedia Commons

I had to pull out my Auntie card and show ‘em I meant business. I mean, this was the easy part: finding a career they could really sink their teeth into. After that, the hard part came: putting together costumes for their said career and presenting it to their loved ones. I had stage fright already.

We spent some time looking through our tomes of inspiration and organizing them according to our own personal preferences. We also did some swapping between one another. Evidently, Andy lost interest in deep-sea diving for treasure and sunken ships because … well, sharks. But Nora decided sharks were merely misunderstood creatures and she snagged the book on deep-sea diving. Then Pipes decided she wasn’t interested in hair and cosmetology after all because fumes give her a headache, but Andy was kinda into the idea of styling coiffures. So, at the end of a day, they had chosen their professions (liable to change eleventy-seven times, plus four):

• Piper decided there was nothing better in life than being a pastry chef. Which, honestly, who’s gonna argue with that kind of logic? Also, the fumes would be buttery, sugary, and delightful, so I thought she was really onto something. We fashioned her a chef’s hat and coat and to accompany her presentation, she made everyone homemade snickerdoodles.

photo by petempich via Wikimedia Commons

• Nora decided she wanted to combine two of her loves: writing notes down in a notebook like a journalist, and traveling the world. The result? Travel writer! We had a little fun with her costume: we pulled together as many geographically diverse costume props we could come up with (like a French beret, an Indian sari, and Native American moccasins), and she had a blast.
• Andy, after a shockingly long time of deliberation, came up with his dream career: he wanted more than anything to be a  … dad. We were all surprised he left off his dream of world domination, super spy, and rocket ship pilot, but we were pleased. Turns out he said, you could have ALL those things when you become a dad, because playing with your kids was a full time and important job. He dressed in his own dad’s clothes, which hung off him quite hilariously but got the job done. He ended his presentation with his claims that he would have so many kids they would always have a basketball team at the ready, and he only planned on having boys because girls have cooties. On a completely unrelated note, the position of Andy’s wife is currently open.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,387 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,656 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Cleaning Up/Energize Me Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Andy and I went on a tour of his house, pen and paper at the ready. We were List-maker Extraordinaires already, and now we were putting our skillz to good use: counting everything around the house that uses energy, how our food is kept cold, how the car starts, even how we need and collect energy and keep warm ourselves.

We started off by counting the things that plug in. In five minutes, we had run out of fingers and toes to keep track of our counting, and had to rely on tally marks in our notebook. Guess how many things we found plugged in (not counting other things that use electricity but weren’t plugged in at the moment, like the blender in the cupboard or the hair dryer in the bathroom)?

29!!

It was fairly shocking. Get it? Shocking? Hahaha, just a little electricity humor for ya. Back to the show. Ahem.

Next, we lovingly gave the hardworking refrigerator a hug (and snacked on some cheese slices to keep our own energy levels up) and lowered the thermostat a degree for conservations sake. Then we flipped over to the next page of our notebook and began noticing and counting the lightbulbs in the house.

Guess how many? No, really, go ahead and guess. I’ll wait.

If you said 32, you would be frighteningly good at this. Or perhaps your electrician wired your house as well as Andy’s. Of course, eight of those were in the dining room chandelier, but still. That’s a lot of bulbs! Then we remembered the garage … more bulbs, not to mention the electric garage door opener and the two cars themselves.

I was starting to get a bit bummed out at the carbon footprint we were leaving, so we ate some more cheese while we lowered the thermostat one more degree. We turned the topic of discussion to our own energy levels and degrees of warm fuzzies.

What do we need, as people, to keep our energy up?

Jane’s List of Must Haves for Healthy Energy Levels:

• Coffee and/or tea. Preferably organic and fresh. Hot in the winter, icy cold in the summer.

• A good slice of sharp Cheddar.

• A hand-knit sweater.

• A high protein and fiber breakfast.

• Snacks.

• Brisk walks in the cool air.

• A seaside trip each year.

• Snowball fights.

• Pets.

• Walking instead of driving when possible.

• Writing letters to friends.

• Holiday traditions.

• Good books.

• Baking bread.

• Hobbies.

• Occasional naps (I like mine on Sundays).

• Fresh air.

• Dates with Mr. Wonderful.

Andy’s Must Haves for High Energy Levels:

• Soccer practices.

• Lots of sleep.

• Smoothies with fresh fruit and honey and whipped cream.

• Headstands.

• Somersaults.

• Spaghetti with meatballs at least once per week.

• Pizza with extra cheese.

• Trail mix.

• Ninja practice.

• Bugging and pestering little sisters.

• Homework.

• Bedtime stories.

• Kick the can, basketball, and street hockey with neighbor kids.

• Climbing trees.

• Fort building.

• Arm wrestling.

• More spaghetti and meatballs.

• Midnight snacks.

This wasn’t part of the badge earning, but we decided to swap lists for the next week.

After all, who couldn’t use a bit more somersaulting and headstands in their lives?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,387 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,656 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …  

For this week’s Each Other/Calligraphy Beginner Level Merit Badge, I bought myself a brand, spankin’ new notebook journal. I also invested in a nifty calligraphy pen. Then I tackled a skill my third-grade teacher wished I had applied myself to tackling quite a long time ago …

Penmanship.

In other words, I should’ve been a doctor. My autograph is a thing of legend. And by legend, of course I mean, unintelligible and incomprehensible scrawling. My handwritten letters to my Irish pen pal look as though perhaps my hen, Miss Toile, scratched them out with her toes. While balancing on one wing. Intoxicated. And upside down.

But, as I always say, go big or go home. In other words, learn calligraphy if you can’t print well.

I was able to read through—and get inspired by—Modern Calligraphy: Everything You Need to Know to Get Started in Script Calligraphy by Molly Suber Thorpe. (The book required for this badge is available on loan from MaryJanesFarm; contact library@maryjanesfarm.org.)

It was all so pretty and soothing to the eye. But appreciating it and actually learning it are two different things. (Ask me how I know. Go ahead. Because I have earned a badge or two in my time, that’s how.)

I’ve always had a thing for markers and pens and pencils and Sharpies. Ahhh, Sharpies, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways …

1. Decorating pumpkins for Halloween when I can’t find my good carving knife.
2. Addressing envelopes in a colorful manner.
3. Labeling personal items when vacationing or camping in a group.
4. Labeling my lunch at work (get away from my Chicken Burrito Bowl, this means you!).
5. Coloring in those neato coloring books they make for grown-ups.
6. Hiding a scuff in my good black pumps.
7. Countless arts and crafts projects.

I knew I would learn to love my new calligraphy pen at least as much as my collection of Sharpies. We just had to get to know one another …

… she said, as she put the first stroke to paper …

Well, it wasn’t love at first sight, me and calligraphy, but all new relationships must survive a little test of fire, right? Ours wasn’t fire per se, but more like smudging, errors, creases, and one spilt beverage. That’s okay, I turned the page (literally), and began again.

I moved at approximately the speed of turtles after a turkey and pasta dinner, but I did manage to get through the whole alphabet.

photo by .angels. via Flickr.com

And, I must say, my calligraphy was rather lovely to look upon! I mean, I’m no Niels Shoe Meulman (inventor of Calligraphiti, the merging of calligraphy with graffiti), or Yazan Halwani (one of the youngest Arabic calligraphers around), or Edward Johnston (the father of modern calligraphy), or Wen Zhengming (Ming dynasty painter and calligrapher).

But, hey, I am Jane, Farmgirl Extraordinaire, Merit Badge earner, and the best calligrapher in my house!

Miss Toile notwithstanding.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,328 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,420 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Make It Easy/Mindfulness Meditation Beginner Level Merit Badge, I told myself to take it easy.

“Take it easy, Me,” said I. I tried to muster up my sage, mindful, deliberate, and in other words, calm, cool, and collected inner voice. Since my inner voice is typically a hungry toddler who needs a potty break, it took some doing.

Meditation. Isn’t that something yogis do (not the bear … the super flexible people who sip on shots of wheatgrass and fold their legs behind their ears, all while looking spiffy in expensive stretch pants and complicated sports bras)?

Or perhaps it’s something Buddhist monks do?

Or New Age tree huggers?

No?

I, too, can (and probably should) meditate?

Well, color me surprised.

photo by Sebastien Wiertz via Flickr.com

The very idea was pretty intriguing, so I did what I do best: I researched my newfound interest at the library while munching on a ham sammie.

Interesting side note: you can trace what my interests have been while being a farmgirl earning badges based on the organic mayonnaise stains I leave behind at the library.

Another interesting side note: I am no longer allowed to bring in food to the library. That librarian is old school and a bit of a tyrant. Sheesh. Accidently leave behind one small tuna bagel on a shelf and you’re banned for life. Unfair.

Anyway, I learned that for mucho beginners like moi, you can find guided meditations on the Web. How cool! I’m all about tutorials. They’re the bee’s knees. You can find a tutorial for anything these days: I’m currently filming my own on “How to Eat Your Way Through a Box of Tacos In Three Easy Steps for Health and Happiness Part I.” I think there’s a real market for it. After all, my tutorial on “How To Eat Your Way Through the Non-Fiction Section at Your Library” practically went viral.

Until Librarian Sour-Face left me 1 star on Yelp.

Humph.

Armed with some interesting guided mediations, a scented candle (made by Yours Truly, of course), a CD of Yanni (seemed appropriate, but perhaps too stereotypical?), and my own not-so-expensive stretchy pants and not-so-complicated sports bra, I began.

To earn your Beginner Badge, you only need to mediate for five minutes per day, for one week.

Me, being an over-achiever, I way outdid that. I mediated for two hours per day the first week!

Okay, okay, 1 hour and 55 minutes of that was spent snoring facedown, drooling on my yoga mat, and nearly burning the house down with my soothing lavender scented candle. Lesson learned.

photo by Chika Watanabe via Flickr.com

The next week, I sheepishly started over, and changed up the routine a bit. I exchanged Yanni for Dance Party Jam Mix Tape IV, and switched the candle scent to Bacon (who can sleep while you’re listening to Pump It Up and smelling bacon? No one, that’s who). I also put the yoga mat back from whence it came (propping up my busted dryer door), and retired the not-too-complicated sports bra.

Turns out I mediated much better in my old jeans and flannel shirt at my kitchen table, anyway.

At the end of Week II, I was not as well rested as Week I, but I felt quite a bit more mindful and energetic.

Though that also could be my bacon-scented candle.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,328 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,420 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Weaving In and Out Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Piper, Andy, and I stepped up the ante. Now that we were pretty proficient at how to braid and make our own friendship bracelets,

photo by Nina Helmer via Flickr.com

we had to branch out and …

make another using a different material this time and give one away.

Seemed simple enough. Aww, naiveté, thy name is Jane …

We already had enough friendship bracelets to adorn most of the neighborhood (and in Andy’s case, the local football team), but we were fresh outta yarn. We pondered and pondered: what else could be braided?

Well, that was a loaded question for Lil’ Miss Pipes.

“What can’t be braided?” she rephrased, in delight.

Umm, turns out that became a list.

Things That Cannot Be Braided:
• Rocks
• Granola bars
• Chicken feathers
• Beef jerky
• Sticks of gum
• All the electrical cords behind the entertainment cabinet (but only cuz Dad says no)
• Toothbrushes
• Dog’s ears (but only because they won’t sit still long enough)
• Kitten’s tails (see above)
• Forks
• Spoons
• Knives

And how do we know these items aren’t braidable, you might ask? Because we didn’t attempt them, naturally … sigh.

The next list seemed more fun (not to mention, more applicable).

Things That CAN Be Braided:
• Yarn
• Ribbons
• Shoelaces (not while people are wearing them, though. Not nice, Andy)
• Some flower stalks or long grasses
• Strips of cloth or lace
• Rickrack
• Your mom’s purse straps
• Your dad’s belts
• Curly ribbon on packages/gifts
• Headbands and hair ties
• Curtain tie-backs
• Fringe
• Shirt sleeves (Don’t ask. I think they were making homemade strait jackets or something.)
• Fruit leather (sticky, but worth the flavor combination)
• Licorice sticks
• Dental floss
• Bungee cords
• Bread dough
• Embroidery floss
• Men’s dress socks or girl’s knee-highs

I think the list would have gone on all day and night, but we needed to get crackin’ on actually accomplishing a few completed bracelets and then gifting them. This likely would have led to another list, but I snagged the pencil from Piper. Sheesh, if there’s a badge for List Making that kiddo would be Chapter Leader in no time.

photo by Bunches and Bits {Karina} via Flickr.com

There are approximately 7.4 billion people in the world right now.

We have nearly enough friendship bracelets for everyone.

I’m. Not. Even. Kidding.

photo by Diane Industrialart Purdie via Flickr.com

Piper and Andy picked out the very best, the most beautiful, the one that took the most work and time, the one they treasured out of them all, and they gave it to …

Me.

Don’t be jelly of my fruit leather, hollyhock stalk, dental floss, and ribbon bracelet, my farmgirls. It is one of a kind, yes, but you too can have a priceless symbol of your neighbor kids’ affection. Just teach them this badge!

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Weaving In and Out Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge with Yours Truly and trustworthy sidekick, Piper, we got ourselves a pile of yarn. You don’t need a pile necessarily, but I had a sneaky plan to have some help unraveling my large ball of snarled fibers, and at the same time, I’d teach Pipes to make friendship bracelets.

photo by eef ink via Flickr.com

(Crafty is my middle name. Both definitions of the word.)

Andy was loitering hovering casually nearby, so we ended up including him in our badge-earning process. He feigned indifference—probably because he assumed bracelets were too girly for such a testosterone-fueled mancub—but he came around when he had the bright idea to make his in sports team colors.

First, we needed to learn to braid. Piper’s mom usually braided her locks for her, so she was as new to the concept as Andy was. We took three pieces of yarn that were a bit longer than what it would take to wrap around their respective wrists. Next, we used a piece of tape to anchor them to the table. (Don’t want tape marking up your table? They can also tape them to their own pant leg. Helpful hint from me to you.)

We braided and braided. It took a few trials and errors, but the whippersnappers got the hang of it pretty quickly. Before I knew it, there were braided “tails” all over my house, taped to just about everything. It looked like a strange crime scene of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, only without any donkeys.

photo by Zervas via Flickr.com

Also, we were out of tape.

There were approximately enough bracelets to adorn the entire town, so we bundled up a few and braided them together. This brought our number down to a more manageable and less ridiculous amount. (Though if your town needs some accessories, let me know.)

My pile of snarled yarn had been unraveled alright, but it had dwindled to the size of a thimble. I braided my last friendship bracelet out of it and I think it really makes my nail polish pop, if I do say so myself.

photo by KnitSpirit via Flickr.com

Piper was so bejeweled with her fabulous bracelets that she looked a bit like an over-dressed Christmas tree, and Andy appeared to be a sports fan straight outta Woodstock (if there ever was such a thing). However, they were happy as clams, so I picked up the nearly 1,384,563.877 tiny snippets of yarn they had left behind in their efforts to achieve the perfect length, and called it a day.

Intermediate Level for this badge? Making more out of different materials, gifting them to friends, and also buying Auntie Jane a new roll of tape.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Intermediate Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Andy was my sous-chef on All Things Cake. I mean, come on, this badge is about making (and thusly eating) cake. It’s not about making your bed, or writing a paper.

Andy was all over this badge.

In fact, the wild look in his baby blues kinda scared me, not gonna lie. I swear, at the mention of cake, his pupils started twirling and swirling, his eyes bugged out like a cartoon character, and he began bouncing up and down and climbing the walls. He needed a reality check (and maybe some fresh veggies or something).

“So,” I said, casually, “I was thinking Carrot Cake.”

The bouncing stopped and his pupils quit swirling. He stared at me, suspiciously. “Like, with carrots? A cake with carrots? I knew there was a catch to this badge!” He flopped dramatically on the floor.

“It’s delicious! But my other idea if you don’t like that one, is Hummingbird Cake.”

He rolled over with a grunt. “You’re sick, Aunty.”

“Not with real hummingbirds, Einstein!” I debated on whether now was a good time to let him know my dog-eared copy of To Kill A Mockingbird was not what it sounded like, either. At this point, he likely thought it was a cookbook.

“Hummingbird Cake is an old recipe …”

“Made with endangered fowl?”

“Hush, cretin. No, it’s made with yummy goodness like chopped bananas and chunks of pineapple, and covered in cream-cheese frosting.” I wiggled my eyebrows.

He flopped back over. “Idonkikecweemzeesh.”

“Eh?”

Flopped back once again to glare at me. “I don’t like cream cheese.”

“Yes, you do, don’t be ridiculous. Cream cheese is a gift from the angels. Now, get up off the floor and wash your hands. Chop, chop!”

We got to work. And at the end of the afternoon, we had earned a badge and a newfound addiction to cream-cheese frosting. Also, my eyes might be swirling around like a cartoon character after the third piece, but I have not climbed any walls. Yet.

Hummingbird Cake (no hummingbirds were harmed in the making of this cake)
(recipe from Southern Living, 1978)

Photo: Hector Sanchez; Styling: Karin Olsen

3 cups organic flour
2 cups organic sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3 large eggs, beaten
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil or coconut oil
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 (8-ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
2 cups chopped bananas
1 cup chopped pecans

Cream Cheese Frosting

2 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 (16-ounce) package powdered sugar, sifted
2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350°. Whisk together flour and next 4 ingredients in a large bowl; add eggs and oil, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened. Stir in vanilla, pineapple, bananas, and 1 cup chopped toasted pecans. Spoon batter into 3 well-greased and floured 9-inch round cake pans.

Bake at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool cake layers in pans on wire racks 10 minutes; remove from pans to wire racks, and cool completely (about 1 hour).

Beat cream cheese and butter until smooth. Gradually add sugar, beating at low speed until blended. Stir in vanilla. Beat 1 to 2 minutes or until fluffy. Give beaters to small child to teach them that they do, indeed, love cream cheese.

Place 1 cake layer on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup Cream Cheese Frosting over cake layer. Top with second layer, and spread 1 cup frosting over cake layer. Top with third cake layer, and spread top and sides of cake with remaining frosting. Decorate with toasted pecan halves, if desired.

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Little Scrappers Beginner Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, I snagged the opportunity to do one of my favorite things (scrapbooking), and one thing I’d always wanted to do (ice skating).

Henri Giacomotto, ‘La patineuse’

Piper’s family invited me along on their family outing to the rink, and I was pleased as punch to lace up my new skates and try my skillz at waltzing/turning/spinning/arabesquing falling/crashing/bruising/face-planting. I’ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, so I borrowed some shin guards from Andy and placed my bike helmet safely atop my curls (better safe than brain damaged, I always say).

Piper was new at this, too, so I was not alone. Not skating, unfortunately, but scrapbooking; so I tried to convince myself we were on a level playing field. We were soooo not. Turns out, skating is much harder to master than cutting and gluing. Or at least, so I thought. (The little whippersnapper really cannot cut in a straight line. I tried to ignore it and patted her on the head reassuringly. Or at least I would have had I not been gliding by like elegant ballerina gimpy penguin.)

Piper took lots of pictures to commemorate my big day and to paste lovingly into her first scrapbook. She can really multitask; she was decorating borders at the same time she was sashaying ‘round the rink. I can relate though; I was multitasking too. I was outlining a rough draft of my Last Will and Testament as I crashed unceremoniously into a Hot Cocoa Booth (that thing came outta nowhere).

photo, Alanna George via Wikimedia Commons

I was very much patting myself on my (thrown-out) back over the use of the helmet. It saved my noggin from crackin’ in four or five places at least, and it also came in handy as our day came to a (blessed) close and I used it to hold all of Piper’s photos on the way back to the car. She skipped along merrily, and I limped like a one-legged pirate who’d had too much rum.

I had mistakenly assumed Piper would use a digital camera, or even her mommy’s cell phone, but she had an adorable Polaroid Snap, so the photos were ready for pasting asap. Photographic evidence suggests I am a professional photo bomber, but in my defense, they were nearly all unintentional … you try staying out of a family’s nice picture when you’re standing on ice in shoes with tiny strips of metal on them. Yeah. Harder than it looks. Photo after photo, I am a blur of panic, leaving not-quite-death and destruction in my wake, as I skated by, knocking out elderly senior citizens and small children alike. Hey, don’t feel too bad; those grannies really know how to move out of the way when they’re motivated. I figure I saved them from having to go to Jazzercise this week.

I would have helped Piper more when we got home with her scrapbooking, but I needed to put a heat pack on my back and a bag of frozen peas on my tushy. She assured me she could figure out the intricacies of album arranging without me and would bring the finished product by for a looksee after my long winter’s nap and after my toes recovered from frostbite.

I’m thinking the skates will make nice flower planters. Is there a badge for that?

ice skate planters, Macys.com

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Cleaning Up/Home Insulation Expert Level Merit Badge, I went over to my friend, Midge’s, for a little help in her DIY insulation project. Midge is a dear pal, a real bosom friend (to borrow from Anne with an E). She’s my Diana Barry, if you will. But lately, she’d been a little cranky and we thought it was due to her house being haunted. I mean, that will make a gal a bit crabby, can I get an amen?

We assumed her house was haunted due to the fact that she couldn’t keep her bedside candle lit, and doors kept slamming shut. I mean, what else could be the culprit other than the supernatural?

photo by Olybrius via Wikimedia Commons

Oh yeah. Drafty windows and poor insulation. Ahem. I knew that. I had after all, insulated my own drafty house only a couple years before. So, hey, if I can help a girlfriend out and earn an expert level badge all at once, I’m all in.

First, we narrowed down the usual suspects when it came to our haunting windows. It’s good to know, my peeps, that windows installed before the 1980s are rarely insulated properly. And if you get cold feet, like Yours Truly, nearly year ‘round, you might find it is wise to replace your windows, or at least insulate them. You know, instead of owning 11 pairs of fuzzy slippers. *casual whistling … nothing to see here, move along*

Anyway, once we discovered which windows were the worst of the worst (we’re talking a portal to Narnia in terms of sheer winter-ness), we got to work. We needed:

• Caulk
• Nail gun
• Pry bar
• Utility knife
• Spray insulation (Made specifically for windows and doors. Don’t use a regular expanding foam; it may warp.)

First, feeling rather like the female versions of Ty Pennington and Bob Vila, we used our utility knives to score along the caulking around the window trim. I mean, you can go all Hulk on it, and just pry it off without scoring first, but Midge doesn’t recommend that (she can be a spoilsport that way).

Then, using your pry bar, begin prying up the window trim, a little tiny bit at a time. If you’re like me, you will have lost the pry bar and will need to use a butter knife. Don’t be like me.

There should be tiny nails in the corners that you will need to pry up as well. If there aren’t any, your contractor/builder was shoddy, to say the least. Carefully remove the nails, using your butter knife. I mean, your pry bar or hammer.

There should be about an inch or so of sheetrock visible once you remove the trim. Remove that, being careful in case there are any wires in there (no one needs a DIY home perm, right?).

This is where you will use your handy-dandy spray insulation. Once the foam is dry, you can use your butter knife (I mean, your utility knife) to trim any bubbles off, so it lies nice and flat against the wall.

Treat yourself to some new nails (removing the old ones carefully; this is good time to recall how up-to-date your last tetanus shot was) when you put the trim back up.

photo by Wolfgang Sauber via Wikimedia Commons

Voila! You’ll have an Expert Level Merit Badge, toasty warm feet, and banished ghosts! Not bad for an afternoon of work, don’t you agree?

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The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 7,200 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—10,226 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! ~MaryJane 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Icing on the Cake Expert Level Young Cultivator Merit Badge, Nora, Piper, Andy, and the Hostess with the Mostess (that’s me) all joined forces.

For the good of cake.

Yum.

Now, we had all gone through rigorous training to bring us to this day. After all, we had baked our way to success (and one or two failures) through the Beginner and Intermediate Level Badges, and so thusly, henceforth, and so on and so forth, forever and ever, amen, we were set.

(My waistline? A whole ‘nother kettle of fish.)

We had made our homemade, from-scratch cakes earlier and then we read through the badge requirements for this, our final cake badge: woe was us … we were supposed to decorate the said cakes and take photos.

Umm, hello? Those cakes had been digested in our tummies for a while now.

So, we did the next best thing, considering the holidays were upon us …

Andy, Nora, Piper, and Jane’s Gingerbread/Pretzel Houses

Supplies suggested:

• pretzel rods/sticks (Lots and lots. As the age-old saying goes, one for the house, one for my belly.)

• gumdrops (You can buy organic candy here. They even have kosher gummy cubs!)

• red-hots

• licorice ropes

• chocolate rocks

• coconut

• icing for piping

• “cement” for glue

• graham crackers

Now, depending on whether you want to eat your creation or just stare lovingly at it all season long, you will want to choose your ingredients accordingly. Piper and I were more about the architecture of the thing and we had our own snack stash nearby, so we skipped the homemade icings and used hot glue. Shh. Don’t tell. Andy and Nora, on the other hand, were all about noshing on their houses like Hansel and Gretel, and so we made sure they got their hands on most of the good-for-you organic treats, and homemade “cement.”

“Cement” for gluing houses together:

Beat 4 egg whites with 1 t cream of tartar till stiff. Gradually add 4 cups powdered sugar (I said, gradually, Andy!) and beat five minutes. Will harden quickly, so keep a towel or plastic wrap on it when not using.

The pretzel sticks/rods are adorbs for making log cabins. Coconut can be edible snow, or can be tinted with green food coloring to make grass. You can also use half-and-half, pint-sized or half-gallon-sized, empty containers for your house frames. Paint, or decoupage, and then add your candy décor. Rock chocolates make excellent chimneys.

photo by Jeff Markham via Wikimedia Commons

We had ourselves a little Christmas village when we were done. Were they cakes necessarily? In the purest sense of the word? Cakes, per se? Okay, maybe not precisely … but what is cake but something that brings people together in the kitchen? And that we did, me and my elves. And I’d say, it was joyful and triumphant.

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