Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,629 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,365 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Get ‘er Done Expert Level Merit Badge, I was already sore and in the swing of things from helping my farmgirl friend move houses (and thereby earning my Intermediate Level Badge), so I decided to go with the flow and earn my Expert Level Merit Badge next. A house built by Habitat for Humanity was going up right down the street from me, and it was just the thing.

Photo, Navy Visual News Service via Wikimedia Commons

Twelve hours required for this badge, and I was rip roarin’ ready to go.

It took a while to prepare. I mean, I couldn’t just show up with a hammer and call it good. No, siree! They would know I was a novice. I knew exactly what to do: after all, I have watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers often enough.

I knew how to raise a barn—how could building a house be any different?

I made several pies (rhubarb, raisin and sour cream, egg custard, and good old-fashioned apple), ironed my best country dancing dress, practiced my DoSeDo Flutterwheel Reverse Square dance moves, and headed out.

I would have hitched the horses up to the buggy and arrived that way, all proper style and all, but I don’t have a horse.

Or a buggy.

Photo by dee & tula via Wikimedia Commons

I plan to remedy that eventually, though. They’re on my grocery list, right before buckwheat flour and right after tropical fish food.

Anyway, I was surprised and kind of disappointed that none of the other volunteers were as prepared as me. It’s a good thing I brought so many pies, because evidently all the others forgot. At least I’ll win the blue ribbon, so all was not lost.

They also seemed a little under-dressed for the occasion, but I let that one slide.

They also were a shy bunch. Why, it took me at least an hour to get a dance going! Part of that time was trying to roll the nearest felled tree over to the dancing area, though. That was tough. But I made it, and when everyone quit staring (they really weren’t the most self-motivated group, I gotta say), I demonstrated a little quickstep atop it. Of course, I knew my limits and I didn’t do any backflips or add in any ax swings at the same time, but I must say, I have feet like lightening!

After that, I kind of expected a fight to break out over which girls wanted to marry which guys, but the volunteers were sort of a focused bunch, and instead we put up some walls.

I guess walls are good, too.

I kept my eyes out for a batch of good-looking, single brothers (you know … for my single, good-looking girlfriends, of course) but no one seemed related. Or single. Or good looking.

All in all, I had a nice time and earned my badge, but the whole experience was a little strange.

It’s almost like people don’t know how to properly do these things. They did appreciate my pies, though.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,571 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,327 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen Know Your Food Intermediate Level Merit Badge, Part 2, I soldiered on with my all-homegrown/local/organic dinner at my friend’s home. As I mentioned before, these friends, while near and dear, were not exactly farmgirls, and nary an organic ANYTHING had passed their lips.

They had enjoyed their first heirloom tomato though, and that’s when I got cocky.

The homemade wheatgrass, maple syrup, kale, and green-apple smoothie was not a hit.

Photo by Kari Sullivan via Wikimedia Commons

The looks of horror on their faces though … priceless.

I had to start smaller. And quick, before they ordered a High Fructose Corn Syrup and Preservative Pizza and locked me outta their house.

Hastily, I assembled the ingredients for my next course:

Chicken and Bacon Panini Sandwiches with Homemade Roasted Garlic Aioli and Sweet Potato Fries

• Homemade or locally made and organic, good-quality bread. I used white, as we were easing into this territory with my friends and had learned my lesson with the kale smoothie. I wasn’t sure they were ready for my Fifteen Grain Whole Wheat and Sprouted Barley Dark Rye Bread …

• Organic butter from happy cows

• Organic chicken breasts, pounded thin and grilled in organic extra virgin olive oil

• Nitrate-free bacon slices (sprinkle with a little brown sugar or honey for some extra sweetness)

• Heirloom tomato slices (unless your guests already ate them)

• Baby lettuce/spinach/sprouts, whatever floats your green boat

• Red onion

Butter bread. Assemble sandwiches and grill in a Panini press, or in a pan with a very heavy pot placed atop your sandwich. You can add the lettuce after grilling if you like, but I don’t mind a nice charred Romaine, myself.

photo by Tmannya via Wikimedia Commons

Homemade Roasted Garlic Aioli

• 3/4 cup organic olive oil

• The juice and zest of one lemon

• Several cloves of roasted garlic (homegrown if you have it). How many depends on your taste; I recommend at least three! Extra delish, and keeps the vampires away, to boot.

• 2 egg yolks from happy, free-range, organically-fed chickens

• Salt and pepper to taste

Use a blender or food processor to combine everything except the olive oil. Drizzle oil in in a steady, but thin, stream as you blend.

Sweet Potato Fries

• Sweet potatoes or yams from your garden. I like to figure two potatoes per foodie.

• Olive oil

• Salt and pepper

Slice potatoes the way you like ‘em: shoestring style or steak-house style. Drop them in a large pot of boiling and salted water. Leave ‘em there in their bath for 15 minutes or so.

Drain.

Line up on a baking sheet that’s been wiped with olive oil (or organic oil of your choosing). Drizzle a little more oil on top. Sprinkle liberally with salt and pepper. Bake at 400ºF for about 20 minutes, flipping halfway.

—————

My “come to you” dinner party was a rousing success. Not only were the sandwiches a huge hit, but my skeptical eaters devoured the fries. They said they were even better than McCarl’s Burger Dairy Jr. and the Roasted Garlic Aioli was much tastier than Miracle Whip.

I swallowed my horror and pride and took it as a compliment.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,571 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,327 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Know Your Food Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I cultivated a few of my favorite recipes, revamped them so they’d be completely organic, and then packed all the ingredients up in my charming (if I do say so myself) reusable and homemade shopping bags. Why, you may ask? To take to my friend’s home and to make them dinner with, of course.

We farmgirls are a gregarious and generous bunch.

I was a bit nervous, to tell the truth. These particular friends were dyed-in-the-wool processed-food eaters. In fact, I am loath to call what they eat food. It’s more like … well, more like a deadly concoction of preservatives, MSG, food colorings, additives, and high-fructose corn syrup.

Speaking of HFCS, my little chickadees, part of earning my Intermediate Level Merit Badge was to completely and utterly eliminate that particular substance. I thought it’d be simple. Easy peasy, lemon squeasy.

Water tower in Rochester, Minnesota. Photo by Jonathunder via Wikimedia Commons.

I was wrong.

Talk about insidious. That ingredient creeps and crawls its way into our foods in areas you’d never imagine. If HFCS was a spy, we’d be in trouble. It can slip into your house undetected. It can wriggle its way into your coffee-stand mocha, slip into your salad dressing, find new life in a bag of snack-time potato chips, and even be in the children’s neighborhood lemonade stand. Seriously, this stuff is the Jason Bourne of syrups. (Although Matt Damon is much more attractive).

Anyway, once I started paying uber-attention, I was shocked and alarmed. I realized my days of buying nearly anything pre-made had come to a sudden halt.

Unless my cookie craving could be satiated with something homemade, I was concerned I would never be able to enter a bakery again. I mourned.

Unless my local and favorite lunch buffet could revamp their menu, I was going to have to fulfill my cravings for enchiladas and lobster bake all by myself. I weeped.

Unless I could figure out the magical list of ingredients for my weekly Hazelnut White Chocolate Pecan Caramel Mocha with Whip and Sprinkles, I was gonna have to quit cold turkey. I gnashed my teeth.

But enough about me. Back to my friends and my bags o’ groceries.

I had to bring every single ingredient: we’re talking salt and pepper and olive oil and everything. I just couldn’t trust their pantry with my beloved and high-quality food items, and besides, I wanted to show them just how good organic and local and homemade could be without the slightest bit of cheating.

First, I had to remove about five billion dishes out of their oven. Turns out, they don’t use their oven.

Like, ever.

It’s for storage.

I found this odd, strange, and somewhat distressing, but I soldiered on. Next, I had them taste-test my homegrown tomatoes, which they were somewhat loathe to do. I didn’t blame them: I used to hate tomatoes. Those pink, mealy, gross things I found on my hamburgers or thrown haphazardly into my salad? Nasty. But my bright red (or sometimes purple or orange) ‘maters from my garden? A treat that would transform any skeptic.

All my friends agreed they had never tasted anything like my heirloom variety, and in moments, I had none left for my garnish. No matter, it was mission accomplished already!

Stay tuned for how the rest of my experiment and badge earning went next time …

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,571 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,327 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Get it Together Expert Level Merit Badge, I was a little wary. A little concerned. Perturbed, if you will.

Sharpen all my kitchen knives, and keep them razor sharp at all times?

Sounds terrifying.

Photo by Nóż użytkowo via Wikimedia Commons

I mean, wasn’t I the epitome of safety, the guru of precaution, the wizard of cautiousness, by keeping my knives at the blunt end of the spectrum?

Turns out … not so much.

Actually, a little note from me to you, chickadees, a sharp knife is much less dangerous than a dull one.

Guess I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.

Haha!

When I first discovered that little fact (the one about the knife, not the one about what’s between my ears), I was startled. It just didn’t make sense. But here’s the deal, peeps:

If your knife is so blunt and dull that it can’t even slice a tomato without making Grammy’s famous marinara sauce, then you’re probably going to use a lot of excess force. And excess force, however good for your forearms and biceps, is not so peachy keen when you’re chopping and dicing and slicing and peeling and julienning and etc, etc.

Photo by Knightia13 via Wikimedia Commons

Also, dull knives slip around quite a bit more (probably because they’re gleefully somersaulting away in their fiendish attempts to never mince the garlic) and that’s never a good thing either.

So, color me late to the party, but I’m here now. And guess what I brought? To our imaginary party, I mean?

Sharp knives.

I feel like a ninja.

Photo by Stéphane Gallay via Wikimedia Commons

My tomatoes are sliced to a paper-thin degree, my garlic is finely minced, my apples are quartered and peeled and diced (did somebody say pie?), my bread hasn’t been hacked to death, my roast chicken looks like it was butchered by Julia Child herself, and I am one happy camper.

I’ll never go back to those dull-as-dishwater knives again. I’m a changed woman!

If you’re interested in sharpening up your cutlery, here are a few ideas and methods to get you started on your way to culinary delight:

• A whetstone
• A knife steel (sometimes called a honing steel)
• A high-quality knife sharpener

And hey, don’t be slow in deciding …

Chop, chop!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,571 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,327 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

To help my sweetie-pie neighbor, Piper, earn her Beginner Level Garden Gate/Get Buggy Merit Badge, I devised a sneaky plan.

Well, maybe it wasn’t sneaky, but it sure was clever (if I do say so myself … and I do).

You see, like a lot of little ones—especially the female ones—Piper wasn’t overly fond of insects. Maybe it was their spindly little legs; maybe it was their ability to appear when they’re least wanted; maybe it’s because her brother, Joey, likes to toss them on her head … well, whatever the reason, I was bound and determined to change Piper’s outlook on all things buggy.

photo by Dominik Stodulski via Wikimedia Commons

We started with a scavenger hunt (the ones we can’t find in our area, we simply looked up online). That’s right, a scavenger hunt of the bug variety! No little kiddo can resist a scavenger hunt. Golly, I can’t resist one either, actually … which explains why I was up in an oak tree chasing a fuzzy caterpillar earlier this afternoon.

MBA Jane’s Buggy Hunt

A. Ladybug

B. Bumblebee

C. Dung beetle

D. Silkworm

E. Cochineal

F. Blowflies

G. Honeybee

H. Fruit flies

Next, we matched the bugs to their helpful qualities:

1. Let’s hear it for pollinators!

2. Eats … um, poop. Well, somebody’s gotta do it, right?!

3. This guy helps scientists in the laboratory with genetics and biology, though they don’t make white lab coats small enough for him.

4. Can you say ‘honey,’ and ‘beeswax?’

5. We appreciate these bugaboos for producing red dye for clothing, lipstick, and food. Although we really only appreciate the cloth part … ugh for the other two!

6. Eats aphids. Better them than us!

7. Makes silk for cloth. Gotta love a set of decadent silk pillowcases on a hot summer’s night. Thanks, buggies.

8. Doctors use these handy bugs—that are members of the maggot family—to help stop infections. Wow!

At the end of our little hunt and educational bonding time, Piper and I felt like real entomologists. We had a brand-new love and gratitude for the tiniest members of the animal kingdom (although we couldn’t find a good reason for the existence of cockroaches or mosquitoes, no matter how hard we tried).

And we barely jumped at all when Joey flicked a few Daddy Long Legs at us.

photo by James Petts via Wikimedia Commons

*Answers to Jane and Piper’s Entomology Hunt

A/6

B/1

C/2

D/7

E/5

F/8

G/4

H/3

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,487 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,234 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,487 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,234 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Get It Together Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I got to start with one of my favorite things to do:

Making a list.

I heart lists. Sometimes I make lists about making lists. Or about how much I love lists, numerically or alphabetically.

photo by Adam Diaz via Wikimedia Commons

I sense your confusion and raised eyebrows from here. Let me explain:

• Make a list for DIY rainy-day projects
• Make a list for veggie shopping
• Make a list for camping destinations
• Make a list for prioritizing your lists

Etc, etc. You get the drift.

Anyway, I love lists because I love order and peace and the sense of accomplishing something, and also because I really have a thing for bullet points. They rock my world, chickadees.

So, my list today was how to have a working kitchen. At first glance, when I read that title, I pictured some sort of robotic, maid-and-butler-occupied, steampunk kinda thing, but I was making things more complicated than they needed to be (control your surprise). A working kitchen, my girls, is …

Well, I suppose it’s a bit different for every woman, isn’t it? For example, my friend, Midge, has triplets. Her working kitchen is likely going to include easy-to-clean, wipe-down-able, child-height, types of things. My gramma, Barbie? Her working kitchen would include a high-quality blender for Daiquiri Night when her girlfriends come over for Bunco, and the oven is only for decoration (she has a crush on the pizza delivery man).

photo by Bradross63 via Wikimedia Commons

For myself, now, a working kitchen is going to include some real key items, and they aren’t necessarily the same key items I would have included a mere few years ago. I am a changed woman, you see … and I no longer have a need for a microwaveable egg cooker, a touchless paper-towel dispenser, a hot-dog scorer, an automatic pancake maker, a corn kerneler, and a few other things that make ya go, whaaa?

Oh, and possibly three different makes of salad spinners.

Ahem. How embarrassing.

Anyway, I sent all my priceless artifacts weird inventions to my local thrift shop and got busy making my Dream Working Kitchen List.

MBA Jane’s Must-haves for a Working Kitchen:

• A multi-level baking rack. How neato is this for my Annual Home-baked Pizza Cook Off?
• A good quality mixer (pizza dough doesn’t make itself, peeps). Maybe a royal blue KitchenAid … or a bright red … or a lime green … or a pumpkin-orange … so many choices, so little counter space …

photo by g2boojum via Wikimedia Commons

• My apron collection and a lovely place to hang/display them.
• Good-quality kitchen shears for slicing me some chives (mmm, baked potatoes …).
• A French press and a tea kettle.
• A crockpot for long winter days (or conversely, long summer nights; I like to plug mine in on the porch when it’s just too darn hot to have anything warm in the house).
• Good knives. I only need two really: a butcher knife and a bread knife. I keep them outside of a drawer to avoid nicks and cuts when searching, and instead keep them in a cute letter holder.
• And the most important, I gotta have it, no holds barred, I will not be budged from ordering this right now this very second.

I’m sure the foodies out there agree with me. It’s just the bare necessities, really!

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,487 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,234 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Make it Easy/Relaxation Expert Level Merit Badge, I took my newfound sense of relaxation and clear-headedness to my local yoga studio. That’s right: I became a yogi.

photo, Robert Bejil via Wikimedia Commons

Well, kinda.

Turns out, some people really dedicate their whole lives to this pursuit of relaxation, so perhaps I didn’t become quite an expert while earning my Expert Level Merit Badge, but I gave it my all. Besides, my vast collection of yoga pants were under the mistaken assumption that they were created to lounge around on my couch, eat snacks, and participate in Netflix marathons. I had to have a little heart-to-heart with my pants.

What? You don’t have heart-to-hearts with your pants? Huh.

Back to what I was saying. I gave it my all. All my sweat. All my muscle mass. All my flexibility (or lack thereof). All my blood, sweat, and tears.

I.

Am.

Not.

Exaggerating.

Okay, I’m being a little dramatic, but only a little. You know how the infomercials and the girls in their organic hemp clothing, with their pseudo-messy buns and their nonfat lattes, MAKE it look?

They Make It (Look) Easy.

Haha! Just a little merit-badge humor there.

But truth be told, I was in way over my head. To be precise, I was in over my head with my legs twisted around my ears, my toes spread out like spider monkey’s, my bum poking the yogi behind me, and—artistically speaking—I was up a creek without a paddle. I had seen less complicated poses playing Twister. I was pretty sure I was going to need the Jaws of Life to remove my poor self from the Dragonfly Pose.

photo, Robert Bejil via Wikimedia Commons

Dragonfly Pose. Downward Dog. Eagle Pose. Elephant Truck Pose.

I needed a Sloth Pose. Or a Roadkill Pose. Can I get an Amen?

These were tough. I wasn’t entirely certain I was going to make it out of my class alive, much less earn my badge. The students around me were pros. They were twisted into shapes I’d only ever seen at the mall when I was buying soft pretzels. They oozed capability. I oozed wheezes and gasps and beads of sweat larger than a crocodile’s tears.

I wasn’t sure this was exactly relaxing me, and wished I had signed up for a nice watercolor class instead as I dipped my body into the Flying Crow Pose. Or tried to. I got tangled in my newfangled yoga toe sox (I was suckered into them because of the name, peeps!).

http://www.socksaddict.com

I accidently dangled my hair in my non-full-fat latte, and my yoga mat took on a life of its own. Basically, it transformed itself into a magic carpet. I took a ride—and a header—into my neighbor. Well, it IS called Flying Crow Pose.

Anyway, my new pal was very forgiving (something about yoga relaxing her temper, I think she said. It was hard to hear because I had latte in my ear, my messy bun was in my line of vision, and I was trying to untangle myself from my mat where it was attempting to murder me).

I made it through though, and although I didn’t feel precisely relaxed, I did feel accomplished.

And dare I say, so did my pants.