Author Archives: mbajane

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Pampered Pets Expert Level Merit Badge, I sat Ms. Twinkles down and had a stern discussion. My frolic-y, paranoid, yappy, temperamental Pomeranian sometimes needs a good, old-fashioned, come-to-Jesus type of talk, and since she had just gone through my trash and yakked up a chicken bone all while barking madly at a leaf blowing by the window, I figured now was as good a time as any. In order to earn my Expert Level Merit Badge, this was my mission:

• Volunteer at your local humane shelter, equine therapy ranch, or other animal-care facility. Spend 10 hours volunteering or Complete Canine Good Citizen training with your dog, and consider continuing his training to be a therapy dog.

Photo by Peter Wadsworth via Wikimedia Commons

“Okay, fuzz face, this is how it’s gonna be,” I began, disentangling myself from my constant lap sitter. “Off! Dude, pay attention! Let go of my sweater.”

A branch tapped the window and Ms. Twinkles started up with her mad yipping again. She jumped up and down like a toddler who’d eaten the whole box of fruit snacks.

“Down, Ms. Twinkles!” I shouted, as she pulled down my drapes in her feverish pursuit of nature. “Stop it this instant!”

This was not going to work. My dreams of Ms. Twinkles becoming a therapy dog or even lasting more than 10 minutes in Canine Good Citizen Training was rapidly fading.

I sighed and left her chasing the mailman as I headed out to my local animal shelter.

They promptly signed me up for something called “House Training.” I hoped having a well behaved ex-shelter dog of my own was not a prerequisite. It was a little embarrassing to be trained by what looked to be an 11-year-old volunteer, but I bravely soldiered on as we walked the length of Dog Town. Such cuties. I loved them all and wanted to take them all home immediately.

“Dude, pay attention,” said the 11-year-old. She was hard-core. I snapped to attention and tried to ignore the ever-so-adorable Border Collie who was making eyes at me.

Photo by John Haslam via Wikimedia Commons

I spent all day at the shelter and learned so much, I was excited to head home and try out my newfound education and skills on Ms. Twinkles. She wouldn’t know what hit her—metaphorically speaking, of course. She’d be eligible for Good Citizen Training in no time, I just knew it.

Things I learned at the shelter (beside how not to adopt every dog in sight. Maybe just one … or two …):

• Squirrely little dogs need a properly fitted harness when walking.
• When walking dogs past the row of kennels (or anytime you are coming in contact with another canine), put the dog on the same side as the other dog(s). You don’t want to be in the way if a fight or a snarl or a bite breaks out.
• Flattened-back ears and a cowering posture is not actually a doggy being meek. This is a bad sign. The dog is stressed and anxious. If they look away, ignoring your very existence, akin to the way a 2-year-old child plays Hide and Seek by closing her eyes, this is another sign of stress and anxiety.
• The best way to house train your newfound bestie is to take him out promptly after eating. Reward his potty efforts.

I spent five hours at the shelter, and will spend another five next weekend, hanging with the kitties and socializing them. Just call me Dr. Jane Doolittle!

Photo by Ldesgreniers via Wikimedia Commons

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Disconnect to Reconnect Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I did a little kidnapping.

Oh, pshaw, Janey, my girl, I can hear you say. You would never!

Yes. Yes, I would.

Only my victims weren’t kiddos, they were fully grown adults.

Fully grown adults who you would think could go a full weekend without their phones, gadgets, Blackberries, laptops, iPods, and the like.

Rob124 via Wikimedia Commons

But no. Give me cranky toddlers, hyped up on sugar, with no naps, any day! They’d be a cinch compared to my irritable, technology-addicted girlfriends. Sigh. I did them a favor. Something I’m sure they’ll agree with and echo.

Once they come out of their cravings and withdrawal symptoms and start talking to me again, I mean.

So I suppose it was less like a kidnapping, and more like an intervention. Don’t get me wrong: it wasn’t easy for me to give it all up for a few days either. I mean, I’m as connected and plugged in and cyber social as the next gal, so I felt the withdrawal symptoms, too.

The shaking. The reaching for your phantom phone that isn’t there. The constant imaginary beeping and pinging you hear, even when it’s all in your head. The need to be near an electric outlet at all times in case of a dreaded and hideous Low Battery warning. The sound of silence that makes you run screaming for the nearest television. I get you. I was trembling, too, girls.

Though part of it was because I was pretty sure my friends were going to make me sleep with da fishes if I didn’t produce the tote bag that I accidentally/on-purpose left behind in town. Sixty miles away.

I soothed the savage beasties with a home-cooked meal of flatbread pizzas in our rented cabin, and by bedtime, they were all talking to me again.

Sometimes it was threats on my welfare, but still. Progress.

We stayed up late reminiscing about the Good Ol’ Days (the ones before technology took over our lives), drinking hot cocoa, and telling scary stories (most started out with Once upon a time an evil queen took away her minion’s cell phones and they threw her off a cliff and lived happily ever after without her … yadda yadda yadda).

photo, Masatoshi via Wikimedia Commons

Falling asleep was way hard. There were no comforting devices to cuddle with. No soothing pings in the middle of the night to reassure us that someone in Facebook Land loved us. No midnight Twitter arguments to pop popcorn over and debate in 140 characters or less. No Instagram selfies to post. No Tumbler accounts to follow. No blog post stats to check.  No Shutterfly photos to sort, no profiles to update, no online dating services to lie on.

It was scary. We huddled together for solidarity. We braided one another’s hair and ate more pizza. They made more threats on my life (blah, blah, blah).

By the next day, we were getting used to being without our devices. We could make lunch without taking pictures of it. We could use the bathroom mirror to check our reflections instead of taking selfies. We could have full, uninterrupted conversations.

By the third day, we were digging it. We had gotten know each other more in those three days then we had in the past decade, before our online identities had taken over our real identities.

I’m not saying they didn’t pounce on the tote bag like a starving cheetah on a pudgy zebra, but hey. It’s still progress.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Sew Wonderful Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I knew I had to conquer something. Namely: my phobia of printed fabric other than stripes or plaids.

Why stripes or plaids, you ask? My, so inquisitive. Is it because I have a secret obsession with Scottish prints? Was I a candy striper in another life? A Scottish candy striper, perhaps?

Well, no. I’ll tell you the real reason.

They’re so much easier to sew straight lines on.

For example: I made calico print curtains. They hang at diagonal-type draping (not what I was going for). I sewed a batch of polka-dot printed pillows (they were supposed to be square; let’s call the finished product … umm … hexagon-tangle). I made Mr. Wonderful a homemade button-down shirt (the buttons don’t exactly line up).

I’m a mess when it comes to straight lines. I was afraid to show myself at my monthly Sewing Sisters Club. I was ashamed to walk into JoAnn Fabrics and Crafts. I couldn’t even muster enough self-confidence to rifle through the fabric bolts at my local flea market. Something had to be done. I couldn’t live like this!

So, I did what any self-respecting farmgirl would do in a situation like this: I pretended to be infatuated and passionate only about stripes and plaids.

I had no choice.

Don’t judge me.

Eventually, the siren call of gingham was getting too much to bear.

I couldn’t look away from paisley. I found myself sneaking peeks at geometrics. I made puppy dog eyes at toile. I fell into a small coma at a fabric sale and when I came to, I was petting and cooing over a camouflage bolt.

*gasp*

When I found myself clutching a square of trompe l’oeil at 2 a.m. one night, in a clammy sweat, I knew something had to be done.

I sat myself down with a yard of plain blue fabric, and decided to learn to sew a straight seam, once and for all. I gave myself a stern talking to, a pep talk, if you will. It went something like this, in case you, too, need a blueprint for overcoming your straight line phobia:

“Okay, Jane, my girl. Easy does it. Deep breaths. Just use your handy dandy fabric pencil to mark lightly on your fabric … I said, lightly, woman! For cryin’ in the night. Okay, okay, I’m sorry. You’re doing fine. It’s a bit diagonal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t straight, does it? Good. Good. Very good. Um, not so good. Alright, time to sew. Now, now, no shaking. Not with a needle in your hand. Very good. Okay, we’re getting somewhere. This isn’t so bad. Steady now, girl. Steady on …

I ended my 12-step program as I end each 12-step program:

With a set of lovely … and straight—well, straight-ish—curtains made of chintz. And a set of throw pillows made of toile.

photo, PoshSurfside.com via Flickr.com

Feeling proud of myself and my new badge, I decided to conquer another fear: my fear of that peach cobbler in my freezer getting freezer burn. Only one way to remedy that.

 

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,450 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,160 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Ink Slinger Expert Level Merit Badge, I had to pick a genre of writing.

This was tough.

Genres are like chocolate to me: they’re all good. Well, maybe not year-old Easter bunnies with the ears gnawed off that you find in the back of your pantry, but still.

Photo by domenico bandiera via Wikimedia Commons

I find myself going through genres in phases. There was the year I read every Romantic Suspense novel I could get my hands on, the year where I only wanted Non-Fiction Self-Help How-Tos, and the year I haunted the Poetry aisle at Barnes and Noble. I’m eclectic, okay? There was also the year I shamelessly collected any and all paperbacks with Fabio on the cover, but let’s not talk about that.

Anyway, I settled on the perfect genre for my Expert Level Merit Badge earning goals:

That’s right, peeps. I eat up cookbooks (pardon the pun) like crazy. I drool over their full color photographs of soufflés,

Photo by Pierre-alain dorange via Wikimedia Commons

I swoon at their luscious descriptions of exotic cheeses,

their flour-dusted pages make me melt, their mouthwatering text about sauces and side dishes scrambles my senses, and their delectable wording gives me goosebumps. Words and phrases like

Gently fold in

Ambrosia filling

Buttercream

Coq a vin

En glace

Gastrique

Bouquet garni

Chiffonade

Crème fraiche

Roux

…

They’re like balm for my soul. I collect cookbooks like some people collect stamps or spoons. They’re piled by my bed for midnight reading, they’re stacked by the pantry for easy accessibility, and they’re lovingly arranged on my coffee table for guests to appreciate. In short, I have a problem. But instead of repenting of it, I’m embracing it. And not just embracing it, but adding my own title in, to boot.

And speaking of titles, how to choose? There are so many sub-genres in my genre! Should I stick to desserts, or breads, or backyard fare, or perhaps vegetarian? Simple and easy, or complicated and snazzy? Savory or sweet?

My brain full of too many good ideas, I took a cookie break. And then a deviled egg break.

(What? You don’t take deviled egg breaks?).

My Expert Level Badge needed 20 pages of writing. 20 pages equaled 20 recipes, more or less. I wasn’t sure I could come up with 20 recipes for green beans, so I scratched Haricot Vert Haven as my title. Same problem with 1001 Exciting Ways to Use Paprika.

Titles still in the running as I feverishly scribbled out my outline and first draft:

Heavenly Hominy

Jumbo Gumbo: Large Pot Meals for Large Men

Broccoli for Eating and Foliage for Sprites

Lick the Spoon! Frostings for Beginners

How-To Barbeque with Hand-drawn Illustrations Because My Camera Fell in the Simmering Sauce

While my thoughts meandered through my head, I took a Sweet and Sour Short Rib break (What? You don’t take Sweet and Sour Short Rib Breaks?) and read through my two favorite cookbooks for inspiration and delight: My Life in France, by Julia Child tickled (and pickled) my fancy, and A Treasury of Great Recipes, by Vincent and Mary Price, sent delicious shivers down my spine …

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,399 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,095 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …   

For this week’s Make It Easy/Candlemaking Expert Level Merit Badge, I got to channel my inner pioneer girl. Actually, she’s not very inner: she rises to the top at frequent occasions.

Maybe it’s a childhood filled with all the Little House books,

Photo by Bill Morrow via Wikimedia Commons

maybe it’s my love affair with frilly and functional aprons,

maybe it’s the fact that I crave a pony and the wind in my hair …

uh, where was I? Right, candlemaking.

I can see me now … in my ruffled nightgown, holding my candle high, as I feed the hogs and bake my own bread … Okay, okay, back to reality (and indoor plumbing; can I get an amen?).

I had already made my own candles—tea lights and Mason jar ones—but now I got to really go all Early Americana, and try my hand at making taper candles. You know the ones: long and skinny and super old-fashioned looking.

I just know Ma Ingalls probably made enough of these to burn down Plum Creek (had she ever wanted to). And the fun part of this badge requirement was getting to share the experience with a friend (no, not Nellie, I chose Midge … far less persnickety and hardly ever bratty).

What we used to make our delicious smelling beeswax tapers:

• Hemp string (Buy at the craft store. Beeswax burns hot and bright, so you want a good-quality string like hemp)
• A big chunk of beeswax (we begged borrowed stole purchased some from our friendly local bee farmer)
• A big double boiler

You could also add in some scent or color, but honestly, I was going by my new mantra WWMID? (What Would Ma Ingalls Do?)

I couldn’t picture her burning anything less than golden-colored, sweet, honey-scented tapers. A lime green, gardenia scented one? Nah. But if you’re more the WWBD? type (What Would Beyonce Do?) then add in some extra oomph.

It took a while—and lots and lots of dipping—to get a nice, chunky taper shape, so we filled the silences with my musings of living off the grid, homestead style. Midge was skeptical that I could go longer than a week without Internet and bubble baths, but I don’t know … that inner pioneer girl inside me is crying to get out!

Photo, NBC Television via Wikimedia Commons

Sometimes she pipes down when there’s a Sherlock marathon on Netflix though, so maybe she’s confused.

After our tapers were finished and hanging upside down from my kitchen pot rack, we traipsed into town (NOT on a pony. Drat.) and went shopping for store-bought candles. This is part of the badge earning, peeps. Don’t fret. We needed to learn what our fellow townspeople were burning and buying, and just how often toxins were being released as a result. The results? Shocking, I tell you. Petroleum, parabens, paraffin, dyes, and not to mention, nasty fake scents that gave me instant headaches. I wanted to replace all the candles in the stores with my own homemade tapers, but Midge assured me that wasn’t exactly appropriate. Or legal. Legal Smegal!

WWMID? Well, I suppose she would make a few more as gifts and calmly and lovingly encourage those around her to make the switch.

Now. Where’s my pony?

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,399 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,095 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Farm Kitchen/Bread Making Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I learned all sorts of fascinating things. In fact, you could retitle this post “Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Yeast, But Were Afraid to Ask”! Not to be confused with the lesser known literary classic, “Everything I Learned About Yeast, I Learned in Kindergarten.” Or “Chicken Soup for the Yeast Lover’s Soul.”

I digress.

Here’s a charming little quote about yeast (or as we in the know like to call it, Saccharomyces Cerevisae):

“Sacchar means sugar-loving or feeding, myces means mold, and cerevisae is a word once used for beer.”
– The San Francisco Baking Institute

Mmmm, sugar-lovin’ moldy beer.

Photo by Tomasz Sienicki via Wikimedia Commons

Huh?

So, I dug a little deeper. Here are few other intriguing tidbits about yeast (tighten your stampede straps, girls):

There are basically two types of yeast: wild and commercial. Commercial is the kind you’re used to, most likely, while wild can only be found in zoos. (Ha ha, just a little baker’s humor there.)

For baking, there are three types of yeast: instant, active dry, and fresh baker’s. Active dry is quite common, and simply needs a nice, warm bath to rehydrate itself (much like me after a long day). Instant is flakier, and it can be added right into the dough. (Nice for beginning bakers, or those who have a fear of yeast. Yeastaphobia, we call it.) Fresh baker’s yeast comes in a cake or tablet form and has a shorter shelf life, so this is the least popular kind for the common cook.

Different strains and kinds of yeast can be found nearly everywhere in the environment; we’re talking on the fuzzy skins of fruits of berries, inside the bellies of honeybees, in the gut floral of mammals and insects, growing on cacti and other plants, between your toes, and let’s not even talk about that every-few-year-visit to the doctor us ladies make. Yeah, there’s no badge for that one, Madge.

Yeast is used in the making of not only alcoholic beverages such as beer and wine, but in the making of root beer and other sweet, carbonated drinks, and in kombucha and kefir.

And now, to be confusing, health-food enthusiasts love something called nutritional yeast (not for baking) sprinkled on their popcorn, or used in place of parmesan.

Brewers’ yeast extract is the main ingredient in the popular Australian food, Vegemite. You know, the land down under? Where women glow and men plunder? Sorry. Sometimes I slip into Men at Work lyrics when I least expect it.

The next part of earning my badge was to make two different types of bread, and then remaking one using a different type of yeast, or substituting baking soda or baking powder instead. Good thing I’m hungry. (The sacrifices I make earning badges. Munch, munch.) I went with Anadama Bread, later substituting baking soda in place of yeast.

Photo by Stacy via Wikimedia Commons

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,399 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,095 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

Wondering who I am? I’m Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In my former life …

For this week’s Make it Easy/In the Garden Beginner Level Merit Badge, I went shopping.

Outside.

In my yard.

And maybe in my neighbor’s yard.

And by yard, I mean trash.

Ahem. Hey, now, before you get all judge-y on me, farmgirls, (no, I am not advocating a Freegan Badge) remember this little nugget of truth: A penny saved is a penny salvaged. Or is it: A bird in the bush is worth two in the garden?

Well, no matter. Whatever your personal mantra and creed is, your own yard (and your friendly neighbor’s) is an excellent place to find all sorts of treasures to recycle/upcycle/DIY. Golly, I could probably have my own reality television show at this point. And an action figure.

Wait. I AM an action figure.

Well, anyway. Back to the show. My goal was this: Make a garden trellis out of material I could salvage/find/discover.

Don’t get all overwhelmed on me, chiclets—this was going to be easy-peasy. (In fact, a pea or bean teepee was next on my list, to boot.) I had so many ideas, my head was swimming with them. You can make a trellis out of nearly anything …

• Old doors
• Pallets
• Fencing
• Bamboo (bonus points if this is actually growing in your garden; talk about double-duty)
• Antique headboard (so French chic)
• Old windows, with or without the glass
• Wire (mesh or cable)
• Chicken wire
• Saplings and vines
• Lattice
• PVC piping
• Antique mattress frame (the wire part, not the fabric part)
• Bicycle
• Bicycle or wagon tires (screwed into a post vertically)
• Old screen door
• Anything, really!

“The Grey Trellis,” by J. Alden Weir, 1891

And now that you have a fabulous, unique, one-of-a-kind garden trellis, what to do with it? Well, you came to the right place, doll. Here are a few creepers (and by that, I do not mean a shady-looking character … I mean some climbing plants) and crawlers that adore trellises almost as much as you do:

• Flowering Jasmine
• Black-eyed Susan
• Snap Peas
• Beans
• Roses
• Honeysuckle
• Morning Glory
• Hyacinth Bean Vines
• Cucumbers or Zucchinis
• Twisting Snapdragons
• Climbing Nasturtium
• Raspberries or Blackberries
• Clematis
• Passion Flowers
• Petunias
• Canary Creepers
• Decorative Gourds
• Hydrangeas
• Squashes and Melons
• Glory Lily Bulbs
• Wisteria
• Sunflowers

Photo by Stephen McKay via Wikimedia Commons

And did you know these fun facts about growing veggies on a trellis, as opposed to on the garden floor? The fruit and veg will be cleaner, better-shaped, take up less space, will be less discolored (no resting on the ground), easier to water, and easier to harvest.

And this most important reason of all:

It’s totes adorbs!

Try a trellis today. Don’t go shopping for supplies, just use your imagination. Then get planting. You’ll have the cutest, most functional garden on the block (of course, your neighbors might want their stuff back … let ‘em share in the bounty instead). Happy DIY-ing, peeps.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,399 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,095 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Make It Easy/Candlemaking Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I was thrilled to put all my candlemaking know-how into action. I gathered my supplies and got to work to make two entirely different types and scents of candles to gift to two entirely different girlfriends. You don’t have to gift them to girlfriends—I can attest to my own Mr. Wonderful loving a good Cracklin’ Fire taper, or an Autumn Leaves pillar. Well, actually he requested a Bacon and Sausage scent, but … yeah. Haven’t exactly found a meat-scented essential oil yet.

Lavender Soy Candle in a Teacup

• Soy-based wax flakes (try to find a non-GMO brand)
• Fresh-grown and handpicked lavender from your garden (Rosemary or basil would work just as well. Or mint. But maybe not chives or sage … unless you’re gonna run with the whole sausage-inspired candle)
• Chopsticks (one for mixing, one for holding up your hair)
• Candle wicks
• A pot for mixing and melting
• Chipped teacups (with or without the saucers)

Slowly melt your wax. If you’re like me even a little bit, put one pot atop another as a double boiler. This will keep your wax from burning when you get distracted by a phone call, a sandwich hankering, or a Downton Abbey marathon.

Use your chopstick to spread a bit of melted wax on the bottom of your wick. This works as adhesive to keep it held to the bottom of your teacup. It also works as an adhesive if you get some on your fingers and then tuck your wayward hair behind your ears. I told you to use the other chopstick, didn’t I?

Add in your herbs and swirl in a loving manner. Pour carefully into teacups. Allow to cool. Give to girlfriend with much aplomb and the proper humility when she gushes over your cleverness.

*Other options: use Mason jars, juice glasses, salt cellars, baby bowls, coffee mugs, wine glasses, shot glasses, champagne flutes, spice jars, ramekins, or those wee little individual casserole dishes.

Coffee and Coconut Candle

• 3/4 lb filtered beeswax
• 1/2 cup organic coconut oil
• Cotton wicks (beeswax burns hotter, so you want a thicker wick than you would use for the previous recipe)
• Jars (This recipe will make about two 12-oz jars’ worth, so plan on two large candles. You can totally make teeny ones and give your girlfriend a set of lights instead. Try a muffin tin! They’re the perfect size for floating candles).
• A double boiler or a pot-within-a-pot
• Coffee beans

To make this type of candle, you will follow the directions above, only you won’t make as many mistakes (ahem). Now beeswax is a little more temperamental, so you might want to use a candy thermometer and stop the melting procedure when it gets to about 160-164°F.

When your wicks are attached to the bottom of your jars or tins, stir in your coffee beans and add the whole concoction to your containers. Let set. If you’d like, you can add in some organic food coloring, but I liked the contrast of the white candle with the brown beans.

Mr. Wonderful says the coffee aroma is nearly as good as bacon. Honest.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,346 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,010 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Stitching and Crafting/Sew Wonderful Beginner Level Merit Badge, I took advantage of the fact that I had been a human pincushion one too many times this month.

Eh?

I know, you’re not following. Perhaps that’s because you’ve never spilled an entire collection of straight pins into your entire collection of fabric?

Well, count yourselves lucky, my chickadees, because, well, darn it, I don’t recommend it. Ouch. There’s another one.

Sucking on my poor, Swiss-cheese fingers, and determining never to attempt acupuncture—at least not without a professional—I made up my mind to do something about this awful situation, and why not earn a badge? Seemed sensible. Yowch.

Time out to find the homemade first-aid kit …

All right, I’m back and more determined than ever. (And wearing thimbles on all 10 extremities).

I sorted through my bolts and squares and stacks of calico, gingham, toile, corduroy, denim, satin, flannel, and the like. In order to earn my Beginner Level Badge, I needed to make a sewing kit, complete with pinkeeper, to give to a friend.

You know what they say: Be your own best friend.

What? No one says that? That isn’t a quote? And I was going to embroider it on a pillow.

Well, fine, I’ll simply make two, because I have the puncture wounds to prove I need a little organization as well. Ow.

I decided there was no need to shop to earn this badge. Not with all the lovely things I have lying about my home. Upcycling is the name of game with this farmgirl these days. Why, I hardly remember what the siren call of the mall sounds like, now that I’ve turned over a new (organic) leaf. (Okay, okay, I do occasionally answer the siren call of the Pretzel Palace, which is inside the mall, but hey … I’m only human).

I found two sweet baskets left over from my basketry-making season, and they were a perfect fit for the following:

• A few adorable fabric squares (perfect for quilting)
• Several different shades of threads, both for machines and for hand embroidery
• Straight pins (since evidently I own approximately eleventy-seven thousand)
• Safety pins (oh, how I love them … and am considering switching to them for all my pinning needs)
• A handful of buttons
• A fabric pen
• A small embroidery hoop
• Scissors

To top it all off, I put together two rather charming pincushions. One is the old-fashioned, stuffed-strawberry type. You know the one: made of red felt and stuffed plump, it’s extra endearing with the white-tipped pins. The other, I got fancier with: it’s a blue satin dolphin. Well, it was supposed to be a blue satin dolphin, but it turned out more like a cheerful and overfed flounder. Either way, it’s cute. Until I started poking him with pins, and then I felt terrible. Like a flounder killer. I should have stayed with strawberries.

The adorable, always humorous MBA Jane is my way of honoring our Sisterhood Merit Badge program, now with 6,346 dues-paying members who have earned an amazing number of merit badges so far—9,010 total! Take it away, MBA Jane!!! MJ 

For this week’s Outpost/Pampered Pets Intermediate Level Merit Badge, I took my love for Mr. Darcy even further.

Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley. London: George Allen, 1894, via Wikimedia Commons.

No, not that Mr. Darcy, though I do love him, too. But no, it’s my Labradoodle, Mr. Darcy, who keeps my feet warm at night and who keeps my hearth and home protected (from slightly gusty evenings, small birds, the ringing of the doorbell, and postal carriers).

Photo by Searchtempo via Wikimedia Commons

After switching from his usual old, dry dog food—loaded with animal by-products, soy, grains, GMO corn, and enough additives to stop a train, so to speak—and supplementing with all-natural concoctions of my own, my furry friend was happy, healthy, glossy, full of energy, and (dare I say it) not making visitors’ eyes water with the strength of his manly flatulence.

And all the people said Amen.

Anyway, I wanted to share some of my favorite finds and recipes with my fellow pet-loving pals and earn my Intermediate Level badge to boot, so I got cracking with filling some gift baskets. I just know that my animal-adoring acquaintances will love all of these almost as much as their pooches, kitties, and pot-bellied piggies will!

Buckwheat and Mint Doggy Biscuits

1½ cups buckwheat flour
4 T fresh parsley, finely chopped
2 T fresh mint, finely chopped
2 T olive oil
1 T pure honey
1 egg, beaten
1-3 t water

Preheat oven to 400°F. In a large bowl, stir buckwheat flour, parsley, and mint together until combined. In a small bowl, whisk together olive oil and honey; pour into the flour and stir. Add egg and stir until well combined. Knead dough with hands to thoroughly mix the ingredients together. Add 1 t of water at a time to help the dough come together. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough out to approx. ¼” thick. Cut into desired shapes with cookie cutter. Bake for 15 minutes. Store biscuits in an airtight container in the fridge to keep fresh.

DIY Flea and Tick Spray

20 drops essential lemongrass oil and 20 drops essential eucalyptus oil
4 oz water

Combine in a spray bottle and shake well. Works well for people and horses, too!

Oatmeal Cinnamon Bun Pet Shampoo

1 cup oatmeal
½ cup baking soda
1 T cinnamon
1 qt warm water

Pulse oats in food processor until they’re a flour-like consistency. Stir in soda and cinnamon. Mix in water.

Dry Shampoo for Smelly Pooches

Mix one box baking soda with several drops of your favorite essential oil. Shake well. Apply liberally to Fido and brush through coat. Much better!

Pet Ear Wash Solution

Combine equal parts water and witch hazel (or apple cider vinegar), a little melted coconut oil, and a few drops of tea tree oil in a squirt bottle. Cleans pet’s ears, wards off infections, washes out foxtails, and makes them smell better, too.

Homemade Doggy Toothpaste

• ¼ cup coconut oil
• 1 t cinnamon
• 1 t organic chicken or beef bouillon granules
• 3 T baking soda
• 6-7 mint leaves

Combine in food processor; store in fridge.