When we rely upon laws to enforce decent behavior, we end up spending our hard-earned money on attorneys. Rather than legal recourse, I’m on a mission to amp up my personal charm and collaborative kindness. Good manners are contagious.
Let’s get viral together.
Here’s an old 2007 post of mine on our Farmgirl Connection Chatroom that I thought warranted recirculation in 2013. I must say, six years later, it’s still some of the best advice I’ve come across yet …
Feb 08 2007 11:01:05
Hi farmgirls!
I was reading Miss Manners in the paper this week and decided the advice she gave was worth sharing with my girlfriends.
An activist that really disagreed with the mining of diamonds asked Miss Manners how she should handle her many friends getting diamond engagement rings. “I am happy for all my friends’ engagements, but when they go and show me the diamond and ask my opinion on the ring (i.e., “Isn’t it beautiful?”), I really want to explain my position on these stones.”
Miss Manners replied: “Miss Manners assures you that people do not absorb moral lessons from those who trample on their feelings. Rather, they forever associate the unpleasantness of the spokesperson with the cause itself. So if the certainty that you would hurt your friends’ feelings is not enough to satisfy you into mere murmured politeness, how about the certainty that you would hurt your cause?”
I love this photo! I wish it were the cover of a novel and I was reading it…
I’ll take this commenting opportunity to also wish you a very Happy New Year MaryJane. I am striving to make 2013 better in everyway, everyday, for everyone, not just myself, everywhere. I feel like you are cheering me on with this blog. Thank you.
No. 89
Love Love Love Gallant Manners, farm romance and photo- of the- day Thanks soooooo much!
MaryJane says: This is the valve on the top of our hand water pump that pulls water from a 400-foot well. It’s an impressive piece of machinery. Also, greatly reassuring when the power goes out.
Oh yes, one always worries about the power going out & then where would we be? Some things ARE better old.
This can be a tough one, sisters …
Picture it:
You’re in the throes of Thanksgiving.
Much to your delight, someone else has done all of the cooking.
(A girl can dream, can’t she?)
So, you’re sitting pretty before a plate that is courteously clean …
nary a smudge of gravy left behind.
You’ve tried the turkey,
sampled the stuffing,
reveled in roasted veggies,
nibbled, noshed,
sipped, and sampled—
and, lo and behold,
you’re finished!
Now, here comes the hard part:
Your hostess,
beaming with benevolence,
says you must eat more, a little taste of this, oh, and you haven’t tried that.
Perhaps she’s already bearing down on you …
Terry Steinmetz says: So good to hear this again!
Winnie Nielsen says: Why do people think it is important to try and force people to eat more food? This has always been so annoying to me who happens to not eat a lot at each setting. I never would do this to my guests. Your tips are a good reminder of how to be gracious while getting your point across that the answer is NO!
Emily says: I would add another suggestion. . . Sometimes a hostess has so much leftover, she’s trying real hard to get rid of it. Perhaps you decline politely, “No thank you, it was so delicious, and I’m quite satisfied! But if you’re truly looking to get rid of it, I wouldn’t mind taking home some to enjoy again later!”
Then the hostess (or host) will certainly not feel insulted. At least I wouldn’t if someone declined this way.
Buy props used in MaryJane’s books and magazine!
5% of profits will benefit www.firstbook.org, a non-profit that provides new books to children from low-income families throughout the U.S. and Canada.
Here’s how:
MaryJane will post a photo and a description of a prop and its cost along with a few details as to its condition here: https://shop.maryjanesfarm.org/MaryJanesCurations. It’s a playful way to be the new owner of a little bit of farm herstory.
I would also add that once you say something, you cannot “un-ring the bell”. It is frightening sometimes how powerful words can be. So many times, we mean well but allow our own obsession to be driving the conversation. ohvey, It is a life long learning process!
This is great advice. I’m glad farmgirls are still working on respect for others.
~ Blessings