Allow me to introduce Merit Badge Awardee Jane (MBA Jane for short). In her former life …
… she ended up naked on eBay, little more than a discarded plaything. Since then, she’s been turning things around and, well, here she is, a permanent part of Raising Jane. Take it from here, MBA Jane. -MaryJane
MBA Jane confession: It didn’t just die, I put a stake through its bleeping heart — my PDA high-resolution touchscreen mobile-optimized high-speed data access Wi-Fi broadband smartphone. But not without hesitation and self-doubt. Not until 10 o‘clock this morning when I finally decided, no, KNEW I wanted to start earning Merit Badges.
KNEW I wanted to get those letters, MBA, attached to my name rather than “eBay/nude/used/1 bid.”
KNEW I needed to become more well-rounded, I mean more endowed, I mean LESS endowed but more schooled in the arts, handwork, you know, life skills.
KNEW that “Becoming Jane” would become me. Just KNEW.
I patiently poured over the requirements and the hundreds of pages of accomplished MBAers that I wanted to emulate. And that’s when it happened, when I did it. I reached over and TuRnED OFF my smartie-pants phone. No more txts today U no. Farmgirl U would be my new MOO (mode of operation). Who nu a milkmaid badge even existed? (Make that NEW. I’m weaning myself off txt speak, er, TEXT speak.)
I’d already dropped my classes at one of the big 10. Father threatened to pull his funding when he learned I’d joined the local food co-op instead of rushing Delta Kappa Omega Pi sorority, a long-time tradition in my family.
Guess I was tired of people whispering words like “pretty” and “ditzy” whenever I left a room.
Real pies! Omega oils. A sisterhood of farmgirls!! Now, there’s a rush for U. (YOU. Sorry again. It’s going to take me a while. Bare with me. I mean bear. Yes, there’s been a bit of that, too. But naked cupcakes are a healthy thing, right?)
Making a life out of the latest in hand-held Android iOS embedded Linux Maemo and MeeGo gadgetry was going to make this Jane a dull girl in the long run. Nice call, Watson, I told myself.
I’m IN … hook, line and sinker (there’s even a fishing badge). Talk about a rush. I’ve never met a goosebump I didn’t like.
Next week, my parents come for a visit and I’m going to Light the Way! (It’s a badge, Madge.) After that, I churn the corner to better butter and write my first op-ed piece: Homemade Butter is the New Black.
[Spoiler alert: Don’t worry – MBA Jane is here for the long haul and nothing bad ever happens. Her parents come around. She travels. Runs for mayor. Starts a business. Dates.]